Hate is a horrible word…I often hear people say I hate this and I hate that …It is a word I have irradicated from my day to day vocabulary along with words Michael Buble…I don't say that anymore either!
There is a a time though where you just have to say it….Hate that is…not Buble …although I can see the use of the word Buble as an adjective….
Don't be a Buble !
You complete Buble ! Etc..etc..
But no, Hate I reserve for those unbearable things in life that you just cannot stand or tolerate…..yes I'm talking about DIY!!!!!
I Hate DIY!
Now Spriggan Towers is having a new Kitchen fitted ….This involves the military operation of a cast of thousands before the fitter can fit the kitchen. There is the tiler, the plasterer and the candle stick maker, all jostling to get their bits done inbetween the sparky visiting and tutting with hands on hips sharp intake of breath as to the size of this hole or the other …shocking behaviour…
But this morning at 0630 hours Wifey told me to get out of my pit and go take the rad in the bombsight formerly known as the kitchen of the wall so the plasterer can plaster behind it….Now I had tried doing this the night before but to no avail..Jason the kitchen fitter even told me how to do it and I couldn't put the cap on the bit etc.. …I'm not DIY minded…Jason on the other hand can do anything...even brain surgery if it was done with manly hammers chisels and screw drivers…but for me it doesn't happen, but no Wifey wanted it done..how hard can it be ? I thought .So armed with my adjustible spanner , my half inch cap with two washers and my trusty sidekick Aaron my 11 year old I started to undo the nuts ….water started to spurt out at every angle….ok checked everything ...righty tighty lefty loosey …valve turned to zero …..tried again…water spurted everywhere…..so one ranting phone call to Wifey later who was at a safe haven of work and I was back looking at said radiator….I turned to my Tonto..my Robin….and said .."Son we are going in and we are going to undo it….water will come out…it will….but stay strong and I'll try and get the cap on"….Aaron took a deep breath and then I did it off the rad came ..out came the water gushing onto the floor..surf was up!!!……….it was like molten lava except not red or smoking but it was hot ,,,,and I was struggling to get the cap on shouting " Ooow oooow oooh s' hot!!" Aaron in a flash of inspiration picked up the mop and rammed it onto the pipe ..dislodging my struggling sausage fingers trying to get the cap on …sending said cap spinning across the floor …."Nooooooooo!" The water carried on gushing ..I scrambled to the the cap , but not before we both stood flapping our arms spinning around screaming ...wondering what we were going to do next as water spurted everywhere ,,,It was a scene Laurel and Hardy would of been proud of….finally I got hold of the cap and screwed it in place. The water stopped we were safe ..said radiator was put to one side and we proceeded to clear up copious amounts of water as quick as we could as we were in danger of being swept away by the current….
.…Of course one has to update one's status on Facebook as to how I survived the Bracknell flood..... Then come the post mortems don't they… One of the Super Mario brothers (aka Mother Dearest) obviously looked up from her bottle Pinot Grigio ….no that’s cruel it was only about 7 am…she would still be on the Newky Brown at breakfast ..and replied to my status about switching the water off and should of done this and that..honestly what right back seat plumber ..didn't see her there did we? at stupid o'clock in the morning with her spanners! oh no....then sister dearest (the other super Mario Brother) chipped in kind of semi in my defence....(thanks Sis)
Tonight I take out some ballistrates from the stairs...simples...I mean what could go wrong there ?
Just reread this post and was in hysterical laughter again. At 4.30 in the morning as well, couldn't sleep.
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