The return of The Holy One

I must ring space boy ……it’s critical now…….you see we have had three lead singers in our band now…SJ…..Pugwash and Spaceboy…..well SJ in the last week in February gave birth to a lovely baby girl……Pugwash’s wife in the last week in February …..........you guessed it gave birth to a lovely baby girl Now I’ve got to warn Spaceboy that Mrs Spaceboy will probably give birth to a space baby very soon!!!!! …We congratulate the proud parents.....just don't try and sing the babies to sleep guys ok! been there..... done that..... made us all cry!!!!..........(only joking)
So Easter has come …I can sum up our Easter break very easily ….
We came - we ate (Easter eggs) and we felt sick!!!!!

Although Wifey did go running on Good Friday and it was indeed a terrific effort with Rock star on his bike and Me on my bike with Mini minx on a tag along. We all rode alongside, giving Wifey encouragement. My exercise came from decorating the middle room ..Wifey did do a lot of that too and the tiddly peeps helped too ….kind of.

Mother Dearest came for Easter dinner. It's been a while since I have written a blog about Mother Dearest. The fact that she has become kind of cult figure amongst you readers is astonishing to me ....My Mum... being asked after by my work colleagues....odd. However whilst reading the last blog she remonstrated that the "Kneedles" thing will make people think she can't spell. Now why would people think that? Mother Dearest was back on form recently though. You see , she'd run out of some bits .......like Newky brown.....etc... so I took her to my second home Tesco's and low and behold we'd been there two seconds in the carpark when she announced to all and sundry...and I quote...

"I got my binoculars out today and looked at the tits in my garden!!!!!".

This poor old boy walking by nearly had a coronary. I jumped into the boot of my car !!!!…..but she’s all moved in to her new home now and slowly but surely she is getting everything back to normal ….sky tv…internet …..fridge full of lager …..wild parties with the other residents at the sheltered accommodation….as I write she’s taking part in the naked over 60’s twister competition in the common room ……it’s quite a serious affair by all accounts …however one feels it is more of a spectator sport rather than a taking part kind of thing……actually I think it might be an avoid at all costs type of sport….. but hey ho……. each to their own ….next week it is the over 60’s naked bungey jumping clubnight?!?!?!? ….wonder if she’ll take her binoculars to look at flying tits this time!!!!

Well Monday came we have found a guitarist….well not quite found him ….rather re discovered him ….it was very fitting on Easter Monday to have in our presence “The Holy One” Yes ….he stood in for us at last years Summer fete gig and did a sterling job. So called because his mother is so proud she feels he can walk on water …..the good thing is he reads music can play keyboards play rhythm and lead guitar (very well) owns a Fender Strat (yes…!!!!! A Leccy guitar) and plays ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reasonable singing voice too will definitely take over backing…. hurrrrah!!!! He also takes down the average age of the band being young enough to be our son …we have had three gig requests in recently which we can’t commit to as we have no singer which sucks…..…..All we need is a singer with charisma and stage presence and Hot Machero will be ready to take on the world again.

……actually hot Machero might not …we are thinking of retiring that name…..yes yes I know it is cool but ….it’s time to move on a new name a new direction a new line up….so I put it to you lot to put forward some name suggestions please……..sensible ones and then the Dark Marge if we ask him nicely can design a new logo…..

I leave you with a pearl of wisdom………you know when you hear something from someone but you don’t know where it came from but you take it as gospel anyway?!?!? Huh …you know where I’m coming from right?….well someone …….I don’t know who……once told me that if you get a poor unsuspecting sandwich toaster….do the necessary….ie heat it up..(it works better like that) butter your bread place into position …..then crack an egg onto the bread and close the lid….it makes lovely toasted egg sarnies…………….well it’s rubbish! And it gets yoke all over the toaster…………….. and side ……………...and the floor……………..sandwich was all right though………………….toaster was a bitch to clean.

What?...... Weight check ?….oh……well come on it was Easter !!!!….oh ok…….. 18st 2lbs

Cunning little Power Ranger

The bell had gone Rockstar my 6 year old boy looked at me with horror ...Our 100% record was going to slip. This year we hadn't been late once (or at least ...not been caught ) So he raced to the year 2 entrance ...rats............ it was closed. So there we stood fresh from our bike ride school run I was in cycle helmet and dayglow yellow as was Rockstar ...Mini minx in her dayglow pink flourescent with matching helmet...We looked like Bracknell's answer to the Power Rangers......Rockstar had to go via ....yes a tall order .....the reception without being detected by the secretary.......who with pen poised listing each child as they filed in 3 seconds past the bell... I grabbed Rockstar by the shoulders.......it was time for a pep talk....last year Wifey had given me some very stern words when at the end of year report Rockstar had 7 late entries........I explained to Rockstar he had to act with stealth and cunning to get past the secretary ...he gulped gave me a hi 5 and jogged off ruck-sac on back, cycle helmet on head ...he looked like he was going into battle...then .....there was a window of opportunity.......... a teacher was going in Rockstar seized the moment body swerved into the closing door under cover of the slow moving teacher . with the speed of a thousand gazelles he checked right down the corridor towards his class room ....staff unaware of this cunning little urchin......that's my boy!

So "Auditions" have started to replace Spaceboy........tis kind of interesting...the other night we had two people come down one of which was half Spaceboy's age........!!!!!! both good at what they do but we found ourselves jamming to "House of the rising sun"?!?!?!?!?!? It was kinda cool seeing wifey getting groovy with her sax though. More coming down next week so hopefully we will be back on track soon.

Weight update....lost a pound....ok ok ok it's not much but we are in upheavel at Machero towers with decorating and with more decorating at Mother Dearest's new place and with her moving and all that it has been so easy to eat trash!...least there has been a loss be it small.

Yes Mother dearest....she is finally losing her marbles. Dark Marge and I looked on in astonishment whilst moving the entire contents of her flat to her new flat...upon a box (one that the Marge didn't drop that is.....) was written "Kneedles" A discussion insued regarding the spelling of...........well it was knews to me that needles were spelt with a K? but know I'm kinda confused about the whole K and N ting but I'm knot going to let it nock my confidence when it comes to spelling!.......well that's all for know

Hot Machero Are seeking a Singer!

It is with great sadness that Hot Machero are officially announcing that Spaceboy (Kris Wilkins)..our singer guitarist has gone into orbit. Due to personal circumstances an amicable decision was made for him to call it a day thus ending another chapter in the soap opera Hot Machero. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank him for all he has done to the band and we wish him all the best and when he finally cuts that CD .....we want a free copy ...

My dog is not Gay!

It was truly a joyous occasion ...he had come of age ...finally our dog, Doodles (or Dood in a park scenario......a 6ft 1 bloke calling out doodles to a rather large golden retriever looks really odd) Any way Dood was being taken on a family ramble this weekend and finally ...to have a pee Dood cocked his leg...hooorah!. You see I was resigned to the fact that Dood was a bit well...gay..... no big deal really ....the dog liked weeing like a girl...it happens.

So I shared this fact with my work colleagues Mr T ,Sasquatch (the boss) and another girl in the office called "Self"...no she's not self centred or remotely selfish at all (far from it) her surname is Harmer.......ok ok wholly inappropriate...in Cruella's words....I give my self a bollocking!!!!
but they didn't share my excitement....they think I'm mad .......

Lastly the time has come Wifey and I are really going to do it now!!!!!!!! We used to be such lean mean fighting machines and the old pounds have gathered around the waist again........I want to get fit and lose a bit of weight ....So I will share my weight with you each blog......it will be incentive for me to lose weight ...a bit like an online weight watchers........riveting reading I hear you say!!!!! Well here goes .....today I'm ...........18st 4lbs......I am officially an FB!