Tuesday 31 July 2007

Emilio,Ashley and the Slap head bongos

It was the aftermath of a showery summer's night. It was the second hour of a new day...home counties England was fast asleep, all was quiet ....the birds in the trees still, heads tucked into their wings. Stray cats had found a comfortable spot to rest........ dogs safely lying in their baskets snoozing away like their owners . The silence is broken momentarily by a slow car being driven along an empty road headlights lighting up the pavement and lamp post as it's engine noise disappears into the distance like a rhythmic drone of a diggary doo (Scooby's cousin) taking it's light with it returning the cul de sac where we live into the quiet, peaceful place it is at 0200 hours (and what's the O stand for?....yes O my god it's early!!!!!).

I was asleep, my mind still active with the memory of the day just been ...Wifey had been playing "a song for Guy" the Elton John's classic on her acoustic guitar and I had grabbed my Bongos from the side and started beating out a beat to compliment the song .......I felt a smile draw to my face as I lay there the cool breeze coming in from the window .........I must have drifted back off to sleep as the next thing I know my head is being pounded by the flats of Wifey's hands l now know what my Bongos must feel like when they are being pounded by my own hands I woke up and said Oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! which was met with Wifey apologising profusely swearing she had just woken up herself and didn't have a clue what she was doing..(likely story!!!!) funnily enough Diddler's Linda uses that ploy to smack poor Didd's in his sleep when he snores.... so she coughed to me when I recalled the incident at work.....At the time Wifey and I both burst out laughing as the thought of Wifey in her night dress in the middle of the night happily slapping out a bongo beat on my follically challenged head was somewhat amusing.

But not as much as phoning the legend that is Chippy and pretending to be the world famous Argentine polo player Emilio Sanchez...just arrived in England and asking his local carpenter in a broad Spanish accent for a scale model of a horse to practice his swing in his front room in Ascot...Chippy was very polite and I could detect that he was actually working out in his head how he was going to do this....I ...well ......Emilio explained that as long as the saddle bit was sculptured the rest could be box shaped. It was only after taking details of name address and availability to come and see Emilio that I revealed it was actually me...his actual reply was "You B&stard!"................................... that'll teach him to leave it so long!

Back to the band.....been learning the new songs "let's dance and let's twist again " but Sunday a quick trip to Guildford brought Christmas to me early!!!!
You see Barabanshik is having trouble hearing me (hey those that know me know that is no mean feat.... not hearing me!) but Ba-rah-rahboomdiyayshik suggested taking me out of the mixer ...something wifey has been saying for a while now ....Mother dearest had the same trouble with me when she used to make cakes when I was a kid....well everyone likes lickerssssssss!( a tradition now passed on to my children with the cake mix.) Any way back to the plot (yes there usually is a structure to my blogs!!! you don't think I just throw these masterpieces together do you?) So off we trotted to Guildford to Andertons Music shop who had for sale the Ashdown Electric Blue Bass combo amp for £50 cheaper than anyone else. I came away with my beast loaded in the car ....180 watts and 15 inches of speakers ready to unleash on Hot Machero ........Ashley ...(yes I've named my amp Ashley...and?) is sitting proudly with Freddy and Dean, my basses ....Mandaric the Mandolin is feeling a bit abandoned especially since Bill and Ben the bongos have arrived .......any way must dash the men in white coats are at the door.

Friday 20 July 2007

Our best gig yet!

It’s official.....I’m my mother’s son......yes blood is thicker than water....We received a letter through the post last week stating that we were not in when a courier tried to deliver a parcel...and as punishment for this heinous of crimes...I mean how bad is that ...going to work ...and not waiting in all week for a parcel that we didn’t know it was going to be delivered....shocking...we had to go and pick it up about 10 miles away ..anyway not being one to cut a short story long......armed with the offending piece of paper I bundled said Mother dearest into the car for the ride together with Rockstar and mini minx and off we set....I drove straight up to the DHL place where I have picked up countless parcels before I cockily went into the office thrust the bit of paper under the nose of this floppy faced bloke who looked as bored as a season ticket holder at Arsenal. Give me my parcel my man I thought hoping he would give it to me before he keeled over with rigamortis..I said “can I have this please“. He looked up at me and said “No” restraining myself from grabbing him by the lapels and hauling over his grubby little counter I said “why?” His index finger jabbed at the DHL sign above his head. He smiled as if to say to me “you dick” as the very same finger did a circle in mid air and jabbed at the piece of paper that to my horror said.......Interlink Express. The roars of laughter faded into the distance as he walked back into his office...uttering something about a banker.......maybe he was playing Monopoly.

We sped across town and had to reach Interlink by 10 am....at 10.03 I screamed to a halt outside the premises ...the children still roaring with laughter at their Nanna.....(Mother dearest) calling their a Dad (me) a plum! needless to say it was shut..............
But all this was forgotten on Monday night we practiced our set for the next evening our fourth gig ...Another charity do at the RAF Battle of Britain club in Uxbridge.....Rehearsals went well the second time we went through the songs ....the first time was flat and rather dull......but we rocked the second time and the new song I can’t explain the Who classic was starting to come together . Tuesday came and my fingers still sore from the night before’s “Can’t Explain “ thrash there we were performing to about 80 people....We were performing in the break in the set of the award winning Vyners School Swing band......they were very good and I persuaded the band to get up and cheer them whatever they did as they would do the same to us and there was about twenty of them. They wee actually very good and our cheers were genuine...and in true form they were very loud for us too but we did have quite a good performance no major mistakes and Pugwash’s father in law who is what I would describe as the beer buddy..stated it was our best performance yet...... he loves his beer, is cheerful and is the type of bloke you would want to have a beer with........he is also officially our biggest fan as he hasn’t missed a gig since Pugwash (or fathead to his colleagues )has been with us.

Barabanshik awoke at the crack of dawn next day and analysed the recording before breakfast next morning . Bababybellshik is a perfectionist and he will for sure give feedback on the night and we will quite rightly listen to what he has to say ...but the crowd that night were either in nursery or blue rinse brigade and we got them clapping and la la la la ing and a groan sounded around the hall when we announced it was our last song( I’m still undecided if this was them taking the piss or not ...sounded genuine) and we got a loud cheer from them in our finale of “I wanna hold your hand”. and we had some people dancing too which was kind of cool.
We have agreed that for next week we would look at I can’t explain...Dakota by Stereophonics and we would start working on our dancey toe tapping set off old fashioned rock n roll Let’s Twist again and Let’s Dance which we will probably play back to back....not my own personal choice of song but hey it will get people moving and is stretching my boundaries as a musician. I have looked at the music on the net for Let’s twist again and I wasn’t happy with it ...so I sort of did my own and it works well...I think we’ll see Monday.........I’ll report on how it went next week....

Saturday 7 July 2007

Live Earth day

Seeing Genesis on telly at Live Earth might be the closest We’ll get to seeing them....Yes we have tickets ...Wifey is running a temperature all day and is quite poorly....so Twickenham tomorrow is in the balance for us......gutted!

On reflection I feel that the name Village for my boss’s other half may be inappropriate......You see it’s the Navy thing......I am from a Navy background ,Dad ,Granddad and an Uncle all being in the navy so it kind of sits uncomfortable taking the Mick out of our premier armed service. Not as uncomfortable as my nose if Big D (Cruella’s bloke) was to get hold of me...I kinda know that the Village people aren’t exactly the Navy’s greatest allies. (Except in the US where the US Navy used it for a recruitment drive...completely missing the point.... there again the same nation thought Springstein’s Born in the USA was a tribute song..........?!?!?!?!) So I have racked my brains trying to rename one of our most enthusiastic Hottys and the motor biker angle lead me back to the Village people again so I’ve decided to keep it simple...big D (kind of makes him sound like a Bra ....but hey !) So Big D ...we salute you.

Monday sees the band sitting down before rehearsal to plan the next few months ....We have another Charity gig at The Battle of Britain club in Uxbridge on 17/07/2007.We were asked back for that due to our performance at the last one we did there which we all know we can build on and do even better.

In between nursing poor Wifey I have been watching Live Earth.. Genesis were great ...Razorlight were good ...thought Metallica were cool too. The Red Hot Chili Peppers were class . I wonder what it would be like playing to a stadium like that......I should imagine for Hot Machero it will only be a dream...but I who knows ...our six year old Rock star is already showing huge potential. Off to watch Madge on telly.........laters

Friday 6 July 2007

Groupies!

Groupies !!!!!!!….I sat in my office yesterday listening to Cruella and Linda throwing ideas at me to expand the band’s repertoire . Linda and Cruella our office’s answer to Simon Cowell and Louie Walsh…Have suggested..

Copa CabaƱa-Barry Manilow
I’m too sexy -Right Said Fred
Reach for the sky- S-Club 7
Crazy horses-Osmonds
Shine -Take That
Tiger feet -Mud
Got me going-The Kinks

I feel really sick………Let this be said here…..Diddler, Pugwash ,Wifey ,Barabanshik and I will not play crap for the sake of getting gigs…..I mean what’s next the flippin Birdie song! Akadoo….fekking Mr Blobby!!!! No! and then they say that Into the Deep is depressing………….there is just no accounting for taste is there………I have a dilemma now what was more absurd …..The Dark Marge wanting a Rammstein cover or this…….I mean can you imagine Pugwash and I with our shaved heads complete with see through black shirts… doing Right said Fred shaking our little tush on the cat walk!……………….The thought is cringe making..

Cruella’s other half is however a Hotty (official term for a Hot Machero fan don’t you know?) “Village” as I call him.................no it has nothing to do with being an idiot! Far from it! ....he was ..............wait for it...............in the Navy!...................Village people? No..... he is definitely not camp either.......plus he is six foot hundred and could probably whoop the proverbial in a big way!........ But he is a Hotty and that is what counts.

Another Cringe making moment ? Diddler is standing in the the queue with his Linda at the airport in Paris waiting to board a plane to London at the weekend . all of a sudden Diddler lets out a scouse shrill and shouts “It’s Jamie!” With this he runs down the line hand outstretched to shake this “Jamie’s hand” It was indeed Jamie Caragher the Liverpool and England Footballer. Apparently Jamie threw his arms open and said “Look it’s the Diddler from Hot Machero” I can’t actually confirm this though.. The result of this meeting is a cheesy picture of the Diddler and an accosted footballer on Linda’s phone……bless.

Wednesday 4 July 2007

Back to the grind!

As the echoes Barabanshik’s bass drum slowly fade away the memories of last week become just that ...memories, Back to work .....SSDD springs to mind........Same $hit different day. Bosses putting another turn on the thumb screws, office politics swirling round and round....like a twister. You just know it’s going to create havoc and it is sometimes marvellous to see but get too close to it and your lot goes up in the air and is sent into oblivion.
Of course Monday brings around band night...this week Diddler was working Pugwash was giving his voice a well earned rest...Wifey and I hooked up with Bannanaramabanshik and worked on specific pieces of songs. Together we re worked the bass and drums for Into the deep ...it now sounds a bit Jazz Rocky I can’t wait to play the line with the rest of the band Boomboomshik almost went into this trance at one point his rock steady beat mesmerised us.....It was a productive evening and at 1045 we thought we probably should stop. B.A.baracashik had been shopping that day and had parted with some cash at Drumwright in Reading on a Chinese symbol which he was lovingly adoring throughout the evening . At one point he kissed it?!?!?!?! He a bought a little symbol too and had put a new head on his snare. Barabanshik was a happy drummer!
Wifey was a happy guitarist too and we worked on her solo in “Into the deep” it was sounding class. Well it’s time for me to go to work......it’s like an episode of Eastenders at the moment. Mr T, Linda and I try to keep out of it but we can’t help cracking open the popcorn and comment on it all amongst ourselves as they would on Big Brother’s little brother.......(so I’m told....I really do not have time to watch such meaningless drivel )..Cruella is away too..... so some of the comedy element has gone from the office......not that you’re funny or anything boss...(that’s a crap appraisal for this year then! she reads this blog from time to time) talking of blog reading Agent A has recently started surfing on in to this blog........which is probably why on Saturday I was presented with a t-shirt proudly announcing I was the Loser of the Dad’s race on Sports Day...Her husband bleedin Carl Lewis of course was presented with a winner T-shirt..............In the infamous words of Ivan Drago in Rocky IV ...”You will lose....I will defeat all man.....I am real champion”

Tuesday 3 July 2007

First mission complete

At the beginning of February 2007 Agent A the most persistent of PTA members set us a task....provide some live music at the School fete at the end of June we had about 20 weeks to put together something...it spiralled out of control.....soon the two of us had amassed a “band “ purchased some PA equipment and we were off .......with two weeks to go we had parted company with our singer and drummer after our first gig which went ...kind of ok .....our rhythm guitarist wasn’t able to make the fete ...we had 11 songs and no one to play them...Wifey and I were back to ......almost square one ...then by some divine intervention someone shined on us from above and in a freak few days we found a great singer ,a fantastic drummer and a very talented stand in guitarist.....two days before the event we had a gig on stage supporting Diddly Sqwat which went well then....D Day.......30th of June.......St Joseph’s RC School fete....what we had worked towards......could we pull it off against all odds? this was worse than challenge Aneka!!!!!! and not a cat suit, jeep or helicopter insight!!!!
The sunny English summers afternoon on the school green didn’t happen...no bunting no happy children with candy floss sticking their mother’s blouse to their sisters hair specially brushed back for the occasion ......Due to the severe weather warning the PTA quite sensibly moved the whole fete inside ...we were back on the stage in the hall where we practice.......It was cramped up there with Barabanshik’s drums but on two tiers we managed to even squeeze Rockstar our 6 year old with his drums...The Holy one arrived to stand in for Diddler and Pugwash was suitably geared up and ready to go...Wifey and I had some how patched together a band...it was all set up we played “She’s Electric” as a sound check and I saw the PTA in a huddle jumping from foot to foot excited like school girls. I had a good feeling about the gig ....The doors opened at 1200 and at 1215 we set off on our 4 sets of 4 to 5 songs......There was the odd little glitch here and there nothing glaring and the first and second sets went really well.......at the end of the second set Rock star got up and belted out a steady drum beat I came in with Eddy’s bass line and we all went for it ...he really stopped the fete all were looking at him we were very very proud parents....his drum teacher the week before had told us we had a little natural and once he got behind them drums he was dynamite!!!! He even sang the last verse with Pugwash adding to Wifey’s solo. His Grandfather was an avid singer and loved the drums we all wondered if he was tapping his foot watching his six year old Grandson from Heaven...........I know he would have been made up by it all.
The third set was a little wobbly but again nothing too obvious and then the finale the 4th set . I noticed some of the teachers dancing at the back ...we had them in our hands Mokey and Mother Dearest were at the front snapping away with the cameras on the penultimate song “Don’t you forget about me” which went down really well ...just as we were coming to the end I sprung a “stadium moment on the band......”Get your hands in the air!!!!!!!” I shouted clapping like a wild man......”Sing it La Lalalala” The band looked at me as if to say....what the FFFFFF! But to our amazement the hall which was pretty full had their hands in the air and the la la las were being sung out loud.....wow what a buzz! We ended on I wanna hold your hand .....By the end of the gig we had been asked to play at the school again this month at the Christmas party in December (funnily enough) a 50th birthday party in December a wedding in September and a charity gig in Bracknell on September 8th coupled with the Battle of Britain club wanting to hire us and the charity gig on July 17th we were well chuffed.....
Now we aren’t going to do all of those gigs we just haven’t got the repertoire and we all have fulltime jobs but this does signal the Hot Machero are now a proper band ....now the work can begin, tightening up ...building a repertoire and having some wicked fun. Mokey, Mother dearest ,Wifey, Mini minx and the real star of the day Rock star! retired back to Machero towers and celebrated by ordering a Chinese and after the mini Machero were in bed and Wifey and I were on our own drinking Red wine and coke watching the concert for Diana at Wembley we looked at each other and laughed .....................we had only gone and pulled it off!