Nuns and Judo.

Sigh! I rarely talk about the day job on this blog . But the “firm” keeps changing supervisors and changing boundaries and yet again I’ve been asked to list my skills and Courses I’d acquired  (via email although I was sitting 10 feet away) by another supervisor who has been tasked with collating said skills.

So I started my email back with

“In my quest to make me look the least attractive as possible so not to be used anywhere but in my current role I have let the following courses all lapse”

I then proceeded on a 20 minute rant of every occupational course I’ve held or attended I then ended it with

“At sports day, at Primary school (Circa 1977?)…I once held a gold star for The Angel Race but I cheated, you see I had really curly hair at school (I know right?) and I looped my curls around the rubber ring on my head (hence Angel Race), worked a treat ,I  was able to sprint with it. I feel better for having ‘fessed that. It’s been playing on my conscience for 42 years.”

Now I feel doubly better having confessed that to the wider public. I’m not proud of my misdemeanour but in all fairness it meant at the time that I beat Michael Tomkins! I’d never forgiven him for Judo throw he did on me a few weeks earlier. It was on the concrete by the water tap in the playground. It was way before I’d embarked on  the road to Kickboxing glory. All I wanted was a cold drink and queued up nicely in fear of retribution by Sister Alphonsus . The head teacher Sister Alphonsos was as scary as a big bag of holy scary things. I mean it was about that time Hammer House of Horror had brought out an episode called “The Black Nun” and it scared the living proverbial out of the seven year old Bazza at the time in a convent school in Portmouth. I mean you’d see these Nuns appearing to float down the end of the corridors  and this Nun on the programme would turn and she’d have no face! ….. like blimey! I’m sure even the teachers shat themselves going from A to B in that old 19th century building . Funnily enough Convent school and Nuns  had a different effect on my brother who still remembers the young Sister Anna Marie very fondly, but that’s for another blog the like that would be found on a less reputable platform!

Anyway there I am cute Bazza in my Nazareth House uniform grey shorts and all, awaiting my turn at the tap and along comes Michael Tomkins and decides he was going before me. I remonstrated and next thing? I was staring at the sky flat on my back as Tomkins guzzled at the tap. I remember telling Mother Dearest. The next day we were both summonsed to The Head teacher’s office. Miss Hall our teacher (who looked like the love child of Scooby doo’s Velma and Banana splits’ drummer Bingo). Said “Barry! What have you done To Michael ?”  as we both rather embarrassingly filed out of the class to the dreaded office of…..yes Sister Alphonsus. Michael was told never to use Judo again outside the Dojo. I mean he was a green belt! That was like Bruce Lee status in the playground at Nazareth House.  He never did do it again.  I looked him up on Farcebook not so long ago and he is living in Australia now! Ha! That’s what you get for being a bully, sent to Australia! No not really, he seems like he grew into a decent chap and probably doesn’t even remember the incident. But for me? Bullying and injustice are what spurned me on to be a World champion Kickboxer…not Michael Tomkins you understand no ! but Miss Hall! I wasn’t ever going to be pulled out of class again. Why did she think I was in the wrong? Not Golden boy Tomkins!  I’d never been so embarrassed, well…. at least not since Gail Clarke decided to show me her knickers earlier in that school year. Wouldn’t of been so bad but she actually didn’t have any on! that was most confusing to a 7 year old Bazza.