Hobz Malti

I sat in the car ...I had no kids with me Rockstar was dropped off early Mini Minx already with mother dearest but here I was outside the school on my own in the car awaiting ..we'd made contact via e-mail and the drop off was going to be made here and now. Other parents were busy trying to get their children to school ....I was busy looking for my fellow Maltese' s car. You see only Maltese or persons associated with the islands will understand what this little package I was about to receive meant. I felt awkward parents were walking past....why was he sitting there ? where are his children? These questions paled into significance...i saw the black car on the horizon ....soon i would be holding it. Although it was a brisk February morning the sun reflected off the highly polished car as it approached slowing in readiness for the the meet to take place, I felt a bead of sweat dripping off my forehead ....I stepped out of my car and the black estate car slowed down ...The driver's window slid down revealing my Maltese compatriot Agent S at the car's wheel......."It's in the back" she said as i swerved around the car which was now firmly blocking the road like a century stopping any car driving in or out and trying to stop this most important of moments. I dived into the boot and there it was.......the white plastic bag containing my booty....I closed the boot and thanked Agent S ...she sped off to deliver the kids to school and I sped off in the opposite direction at the traffic lights I opened the bag and smelt the familiar smell I yearned for. I reached home realising I had no time to spare ......I opened it up on the kitchen side got the sharpest bladed knife I could and started to cut it.........It was frozen ..........by the evening it would be thawed and ready to devour...but I had to have my fix now!!!! Hobz Malti (or Maltese bread) is a crusty round type of bread found only in Malta (kind of a coincidence really as it is called Maltese bread!!!!!)

I hadn't tasted it since last summer ....I was going to make an egg sarny..so I stuck the two slices in the toaster (for defrosting reasons) ..I find it's easier on the teeth.....and within 12 minutes of receiving the two loaves there sitting in front of me was an egg sarny made with hobz Malti. I closed my eyes...The sun was coming into the kitchen I took a bite and I could of been back in my Zija Jess's (aunty) kitchen in Malta....it was truelly a marvelous moment......sorry but you just might not understand if you haven't had it. Needless to say hobz biz-zejt (bread with tomato puree and oil ) was made in abundance after rehearsals that night.

Kultural Karma is taking shape now Spaceboy has added his planky spanky bit and his vocals and with a bit of practice me finks kultural Karma will be a popular song amongst our fans .....in fact I think both of them will like it!

Talking of anoraks......yes I was......you just weren't paying attention........our intrepid front man Spaceboy is off on pilgrimage this weekend........where to? I hear you all ask......Liverpool.....yes that place up in the North West that all famous scousers harp on about yet strangely enough don't live there anymore....wonder why? Anyway he is going on a Beatles pilgrimage with his other band ...aptly named ...The Beetles....he's keeping quite quiet about the itinery but I'd imagine it will involve upsetting some poor scouse residents who cursed the day they bought the house that a Beatle was either born ,lived or farted in as Spaceboy and the other Beetles plant their noses on the windows of their front rooms. As if learning that our drummer Barabanshik was into role play and dressing up with Mrs Barabanshik wasn't enough.....Spaceboy will be dressing up in Beatles outfits with other blokes and acting out his Beatles fantasies............hmmm .....now wifey and I are no strangers to brightly coloured satin flared trousers ....but they were coupled with nice leather boxing gloves and kick pads and were worn in the name of combat in the fine art of kickboxing.......but dressing up as Sgt Pepper's lonely heart club band and sniffing Macca's underpants is just not normal......!

Me and my F**king Piano

I had that Friday night feeling . Driving home in my car sun setting on another week at work . The Who was blaring on my Ipod .....life couldn't be better. Looking forward to an evening of relaxation and a cider or two. I arrived home to the news from Wifey that the staff at the Outlaws sheltered accomodation had thrown out their Hemmingway piano because it was out of tune and no one had touched it for four years. So off we trotted to the Outlaws who live about a mile away and sure enough today they had placed their piano out in the open by the bin room. Try as hard as we could it just wouldn't fit in the rear of my car.......so we took the decision to wheel it across a road down a slope under an underpass through another underpass up a slope along a busy road and a descent into Machero towers...simple...after all it was on wheels. So off we trotted leaving mini minx with the outlaws rockstar supervised his Mum and Dad making a spectacle of themselves again......I mean imagine you were driving along on a Friday night and you see a couple with their young son out walking ...the piano......It was actually going really well Rockstar even played a few notes in the underpass as a few people went by........some looked amused at the sight others ignored it like it was normal to be out on a freezing cold February night pushing a piano .
All was going really well until we ran over a man hole...........one of the casters fell off bringing proceedings to a halt there we were stuck in a middle of a roundabout with an out of tune piano. We eventually got it up the slope and back onto the main road and a young bloke helped us push it another 100 metres and then the other caster packed in . The passer by at that point did that...pass on by Wifey and Rockstar went off to find some old trolleys from our shed to put under the piano to wheel it up and down some more slopes. So thee I stood on a busy A road with a piano......two cars nearly collided another passer by came up to me and said......"Is that a piano?" ....I replied "No it's a flippin horse" I explained what I was doing ...man left wishing me well.
We eventually got the piano home after several incidents of the piano nearly tipping an hour and a half had passed we were all knackered ...lets just hope it can be tuned and repaired.

Heard from the Weymouth clan Little Miz Chavster said that the last blog was boring (the one about Mr Benn) and that she wasn't a Brussel sprout.........Any way Brussel sprout is coming up next week with the rest of the clan I'm sure I will have loads to blog about that day!!!!!!!

Finally I would like to leave you with this thought. This is something that has been bugging me for a long time......Next time you pop into a petrol station for say a bottle of mllk and don’t buy petrol ....say to the cashier as you go to pay “Just that” and point to your purchases ...without fail...they will say “No Petrol?”......It drives me insane!!!!!! “ Well actually yes I have filled my car up but want to dick you about and tell you that I hadn’t” Why else would I say...”just them....” then if you pay cash they will give you your change on top of a note and the receipt. That again really annoys me as you have your wallet in one hand and have to juggle putting everything into it with one hand...It’s a real pet hate of mine...oh and that’s Wifey’s pet hate...the word...pet hate

Mr Benn "A True English Gentleman"

Following on from confessions of a drummer ....with all these outfits that Mrs Barabanshik is being given I imagine that Barabanshik Towers is a bit like the shop in the TV classic cartoon Mr Benn . Do you all remember?......you know... the bloke that used to go to the strange costume shop and the little man used to appear from no where and Mr Benn used to go through a fitting room door and end up in some far flung adventure then just as it was getting interesting " As if by magic" the man from the shop appeared and brought him back to 1970s England .....and then on his journey home the children in his road would be acting out by sheer fluke the adventure he had just had??!?!?! (this day and age they would be on a street corners hoodies up smokin ' the weed innit....that's if Mr Benn ...who always looked dapper in bowler and pinstripes wasn't robbed at knife point for his i-pod!!!!!)
Bara banshik was lost when I told him about this extraordinary Englishman. ...Mr Benn had ...fought in the desert ...had underwater adventures even went into space on one episode but alas didn't make it to Armenia or Russia......so no Mr Benski!!!!

Kultural Karma is coming along nicely and Wifey can get her own back on me now as it includes a bass solo by yours trully....so she can take the Pee when I cock it up!!!!! In fact I've just settled on the solo, which will make my fingers move like Itsy and bitsy on speed....Now there is another 1970s kids telly programme Itsy and bitsy they were basically hand puppets made to look like spiders (a red one and a yellow one I recall)...

In fact I have been really impressed by Wifey's writing recently (she's been allowed to use pen now....and joined up words!) No seriously we debuted The Wrong Tune at the last gig which unfortunately was ruined by her mic not being turned up enough .....It has been brought to life by Bara mr benn in drag shik's almost tribal drumming and crashes on the China symbol. I like to think my growling bass line sets the scene space boy adds some cool chords on it but Wifey wrote the song and when her mic is functioning properly we've been told it sounds like Kate Bush meets Black Sabbath...kind of.

Bara dressing up in lycra shik stated that Kultural Karma sounds Zepplin like.....I can hear that actually....But the next one she wrote ....Look out has been given the drum treatment and is sounding Heavy rock like.........we were all smiling like Heather Mills/McCartney's bank manager as we thrashed away.....Wifey's lyrics for this are growing I'm not sure about them though. I'm worried that Space boy might find the song scary....! He thinks Greenday are scary...........I think He's scary

Lazy stones contrary to popular belief is not about Mick Jagger's Sunday lie in ...but about stones at the shoreline being lapped at by the water as it caresses the sand under a crystal blue sky lit up by intense sunlight .............very lazy but feel it needs a fretless bass to really bring that song along ....I think that a Warwick Fretless Corvette in natural finished wood would be perfect...not that I've given it much thought mind!

Confessions of a Drummer

It is not unknown for drummers to play the odd roll......but our drummer is.... role.... playing..... Gasp....scandal at last in Hot Machero .....!!!!! well I'm not one to gossip but that Barabanshik has only bought Mrs Barabanshik a Police officer's uniform!!!! complete with handcuffs allegedly.He said she looks quite nice in it....he is now trying to acquire an air hostess uniform and is considering a Russian army uniform...........it's amazing what people get upto at the weekend isn't it. I mean wifey and I spent the best part of Sunday stripping in our front room. We got it right steamy too.....you see wallpaper comes off better if you get the old steamer going.

So the aftermath of the last gig continues and the band's self imposed break reaches an end on monday when we are back rockin. We have tried to meet up and have a team viewing of the gig video and a chat about the direction of the band but there was more chance of getting the Beatles together for a meeting including Lennon and Harrison.

So I called up our singer guitarist ..Spaceboy. His young son answered the phone he can only be about three.....and after several attempts to raise his father from the front room where he was probably watching the film "Help" for the 100th time he calls out to his Dad "Earth calling Daddy come in Daddy" ...it's official he truelly is the Space boy!
One thing is for sure we all seem to be singing off the same song sheet (ahem ...ok... rubbish joke) We are all looking to steer towards producing original music ...our own creations . We'll still do some covers but we are going to let our creative side take over. But Barabanshik will hopefully be keeping his creative streak for role playing firmly under control