Holy Bread- 2 points

Back ..........way back ......when this blog actually made sense, I wrote about an unsavoury incident where I accidentally walked into a weightwatchers class in the church hall.

A great philosopher once said

“lightning does not strike twice!”

He lied!


So Rockstar will be doing his First holy communion next year.........(....this is when holy communion is taken for the first time ........funny that eh?) it’s kind of important for us Catholic dudes so he has to attend Billions and Zillions of lessons and as a parent I had to attend a meeting at the church last night . As usual I was running dead on time or just a tad late . I did a James Bond style shonky manoeuvre into the church car park and expected not to find parking so I attempted to squeeze into a miniscule parking space thinking there wouldn’t be parking I was in parking mode squeezing my 4x4 into a mini space...... ..holding up two other parents in the process I let them through looked up and realised there was loads of parking further down so parked up down there and spoke with the parents I held up.

It was Cristina’s Mum and Dad . They are Portuguese and we laughed at my stupidity at the parking stage of the evening walked into the hall still being quite jovial walked up to the table to sign in ........in unison we looked up as we saw Weight Watchers on the sheet.......blimey I thought ......maybe the church can’t have fat people eating holy bread anymore ....maybe they eat it all and leave none for everyone else?

We looked at this group of rather rotund women........obviously new ...or maybe it doesn’t work???? Looking back at us .I sucked my belly in and my Portugese friend followed suit..we span round on our heels ...”we don’t need to come here do we.........no no no.....” and hurried out leaving the fat fighters to talk points and waist sizes.

So we walked into the church and sixty other parents were all sitting in the church our Parish priest at the front . After asking the church caretaker to remind me of my name again I signed in and told him that weight watchers nearly had three new members not realising that the Parish priest had now stopped his address as some 18 stone oaf was acting the buffoon at the door ......I could hear several sniggers as I repeated my gag re sucking in stomach and not needing Weight watchers and realised the entire church was looking back at me and the hapless Portugese who rolled in with me the bloke still rubbing his head after suggesting to his wife that maybe she would of benefitted from staying with the Weightwatchers . Not sure what she said to him (as my command of the Portugese tongue is indeed ni),but as a left hooking slap whacked the back of his head but I bet it wasn’t “thank you darling for thinking of my health but I think I’ll decline”

Our Parish priest then quite firmly addressed the importance of being on time!!!!!


I’ll leave you with this .........

“what has more points than Tottenham Hotspur?........................a triangle!”