In Hot Water Again !

Hate is a horrible word…I often hear people say I hate this and I hate that …It is a word I have irradicated from my day to day vocabulary along with words Michael Buble…I don't say that anymore either!


There is a a time though where you just have to say it….Hate that is…not Buble …although I can see the use of the word Buble as an adjective….

Don't be a Buble !

You complete Buble ! Etc..etc..

But no, Hate I reserve for those unbearable things in life that you just cannot stand or tolerate…..yes I'm talking about DIY!!!!!

I Hate DIY!

Now Spriggan Towers is having a new Kitchen fitted ….This involves the military operation of a cast of thousands before the fitter can fit the kitchen. There is the tiler, the plasterer and the candle stick maker, all jostling to get their bits done inbetween the sparky visiting and tutting with hands on hips sharp intake of breath as to the size of this hole or the other …shocking behaviour…

But this morning at 0630 hours Wifey told me to get out of my pit and go take the rad in the bombsight formerly known as the kitchen of the wall so the plasterer can plaster behind it….Now I had tried doing this the night before but to no avail..Jason the kitchen fitter even told me how to do it and I couldn't put the cap on the bit etc.. …I'm not DIY minded…Jason on the other hand can do anything...even brain surgery if it was done with manly hammers chisels and screw drivers…but for me it doesn't happen, but no Wifey wanted it done..how hard can it be ? I thought .So armed with my adjustible spanner , my half inch cap with two washers and my trusty sidekick Aaron my 11 year old I started to undo the nuts ….water started to spurt out at every angle….ok checked everything ...righty tighty lefty loosey …valve turned to zero …..tried again…water spurted everywhere…..so one ranting phone call to Wifey later who was at a safe haven of work and I was back looking at said radiator….I turned to my Tonto..my Robin….and said .."Son we are going in and we are going to undo it….water will come out…it will….but stay strong and I'll try and get the cap on"….Aaron took a deep breath and then I did it off the rad came ..out came the water gushing onto the floor..surf was up!!!……….it was like molten lava except not red or smoking but it was hot ,,,,and I was struggling to get the cap on shouting " Ooow oooow oooh s' hot!!" Aaron in a flash of inspiration picked up the mop and rammed it onto the pipe ..dislodging my struggling sausage fingers trying to get the cap on …sending said cap spinning across the floor …."Nooooooooo!" The water carried on gushing ..I scrambled to the the cap , but not before we both stood flapping our arms spinning around screaming ...wondering what we were going to do next as water spurted everywhere ,,,It was a scene Laurel and Hardy would of been proud of….finally I got hold of the cap and screwed it in place. The water stopped we were safe ..said radiator was put to one side and we proceeded to clear up copious amounts of water as quick as we could as we were in danger of being swept away by the current….


.…Of course one has to update one's status on Facebook as to how I survived the Bracknell flood..... Then come the post mortems don't they… One of the Super Mario brothers (aka Mother Dearest) obviously looked up from her bottle Pinot Grigio ….no that’s cruel it was only about 7 am…she would still be on the Newky Brown at breakfast ..and replied to my status about switching the water off and should of done this and that..honestly what right back seat plumber ..didn't see her there did we? at stupid o'clock in the morning with her spanners! oh no....then sister dearest (the other super Mario Brother) chipped in kind of semi in my defence....(thanks Sis)

Tonight I take out some ballistrates from the stairs...simples...I mean what could go wrong there ?

The Rune Raido

The rune Raido.

 Little did I know when I drew you inverted from from my Rune bag did I know that the literal interpretation  of such a cast is "Car problems or travel problems"

I thought it a more artistic sort of metaphorical journey I should be looking at and the whole reading was drawing my attention to this so I'd be fore warned so that I could be more attentive ……think again Bazza..

Public transport has always proved to be a bit tricky for me. You see having grown up in Malta there are no trains or tubes ,which by the way lends the question as to why in some Maltese language phrase books you will find…"Excuse me how do I get to The train station?" But no... it's easy ,you get on a bus from your town or village and all busses go to Valletta and back. You know where you are, simple. So I had to go from Uxbridge to Ickenham the other day and knew all busses from the stop I was standing at went to Ruislip from which Ickenham is enroute. So the bus arrives and on I jump sit down and out comes the phone, well you have to check out your facebook don't you ? imagine my dismay when I looked out the window and found myself heading out into Buckinghamshire well I didn't know that that the H in H31meant Ruislip via Harefield ..did I ? So half hour later I was back at the stop I had started at. I'll never get that half hour back ….ever !

But that was only half my plight this month.Had to go to Ealing for an important appointment the other morning, this time by train and a friend of mine after the school run dropped me off to catch the train. Now as we arrrived outside Bracknell Station the London bound train was just pulling in so I quickly got out of the car zipped through the barriers jumped on the train and settled into my seat smuggly thinking ,no standing on a cold platform for me today! So almost immediately my mobile pinged again…..ah Anglu in Malta was chatting via email to Darkmagi in Dorset. I was cc'd in, so as I chuckled away at their emails safe in the knowledge that I was a long way from London  I engrossed in Facebook and emails. I even text Wifey as I passed Staines and told her I was waving ….I thought we'll reach Clapham junction soon …then it hit me…..it wasn't Clapham junction I needed it was Ealing Broadway …and in fact I needed to go to Reading then in on the paddington bound to Ealing Broadway!!!!! Umpteen stops and changes later as I negotiated my way through the web of which is the tube map I finally made it to Ealing ..hardly a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow type of place I have to say..but nonetheless I got there.

Then yesterday Valentine's Day …..yes the first after our handfasting ,I was doing the Dad's Taxi bit in The Sprigg' mobile and I get a phone call from Dunc, from The Dolmen Grove Hampshire and I carried on chatting on my hands free as I got out and proceeded to fuel said Sprigg' mobile up with unleaded……after £70 worth of it going in, I remembered that  actually my van takes diesel….A four hour wait for recovery , a journey to High Wycombe , a two and a half hour wait in a garage and £220 later I was at the Petrol pump filling up with over a £100 in Diesel. Gutted is not the word.

Morale to this story ..pay more attention to your Runes and pay attention to one of the Spriggan Mist songs which Wifey so beautifully penned a few years ago..Electric Life…..The mobile phone has been a constant in all these stories …..maybe I need to bury it in the bottom of my pocket….maybe I'm too attached ….anyway would love to sit and chat , but my mobile is ringing…ahem

Photos of Suzie Walker's 50th gig

All photos taken by John Steane

Martin Apsey's first gig with The Sprigs'

          The obligatory "where's the drummer?" photo

                                  Max rockin with her new Les!

                                                             

 Rockin .....

 still rockin

 and some more

The New line up!

 Artura on stage in Faery Queen

 Suzie is on far right!

Great night!

Road Rage, Head butts, Crushed fingers? , Just another Spriggan Mist gig!

You couldn't make it up if you tried. I have been accused of embroidering the truth on these pages more times than I care to mention but the tale I embark on today in the word of Angelica Pickles is the " Truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Bob."

Now if you are back from googling Angelica Pickles I will explain…….

We were playing at a 50th birthday celebration at The Bedford in Balham, South London so we loaded up the  Sprigmobile (six seater crew cab Tranny). The party was Max and I John and Bex, Aaron our 11 year old and Martin.Colin our drummer prefers to travel on his own, for reasons which after reading this blog will become apparent why


 So the afternoon started with John our Roady, driver, photographer , soundman , and general all round hero leaning down to pick up something that needed picking up at the same time Aaron our 11 year old son, video , lighting, roady type person  leaned down to pick up the same  said item which needed to be picked up and promptly in Laurel and Hardy  style bumped heads with John ……much to the amusement of Sprigs' Recorder Cellist Diva Bex who had a self admitted monk on , who chuckled with laughter  as Coco and Biffo rubbed their heads…cheering her up no end. I wonder what we need to do when she really has a strop on ….decapitation maybe? ….yes that will really be a hoot and make her roar …..!

But this was an important gig . It was Martin our new guitarist's first one with us  so we swung by his place with John driving the Sprigmobile  picked up our new axeman and his amp and weapons of choice and before you know it we were trundling towards Balham..To be fair the journey was uneventful until we got to Wandsworth. The Sat Nav told John to go right …but it didn't tell him about the man mountain of a cyclist in all dark clothing and no lights that decided to overtake The Sprigmobile  and to be fair John did see him last minute and a catastrophe was averted. The cyclist however was not amused and followed us into a turning that the Satnav hadn't told us to go down and like an annoying wasp around your ice cream this cyclist wasn't going away.. intent on arguing the toss with us. John gestured him with his thumb to "jog on" …with this the mad bloke started furiously cycling after us around the back streets of Wandsworth.John tried to shake him..but he would catch us up on the junctions and then we'd pull away and he'd peddle like the clappers to catch us up again . Hats off to him  he kept with us for a good 5 minutes …John considered heading for the motorway to see how well he'd do  then but we eventually  stopped and out I stepped to speak with a fully  juiced "Lance Armstrong"….and what a sight it must have been  me in full Sprigs' stage wear complete with tails stepping out of the van to confront a very red faced  and sweating  6ft 3 shaved headed Londoner with the obligatory Chelsea manager's coat on. Between the two of us John and I managed to persuade this bloke that John wasn't gesticulating to him that he had a masturbation problem  and that everything was cool and hand shakes ruled the day. So with strict instructions not to, a) kill any cyclists and b) not wind up any more of the Local  community, John fired Sprigmobile up again.

We did the gig Martin came through flying colours, and as I loaded up the van at the end of the night I thought to myself finally we have a guitarist that can play good , looks the part and we would happily have a pint with, happy days! ….with the van loaded Martin and I were the last to jump in the Sprigmobile. Me in the front  happily slamming my door not knowing that Martin whilst getting into the back behind me  had his hand on the door stantion. He said "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

My heart sank  as I lead our new guitarist back into the venue in understandable pain. It sank further when due to that pain Martin passed out in the toilets where we were applying cold water then ice. After getting his colour back and threatening to shove my mobile in my nether orifice if I even thought about taking and posting a photo on Facebook he came to and we were on the road again. After that we had to deal with Aaron fainting too which resulted in us making off without paying for a bottle of water from a nearby Italian restaurant . 

On a positive note…thankfully it appears Martin has no broken bones and he'll be back shredding it up soon.


Colin as dry as ever upon hearing of his bandmates plight came out with these gems ... 

" At least he can't give you the finger" and
"Now you know why I travel in my own car"

Dolmen Grove Yule Ball 2012

Some cool Photos taken by John Steane at Spriggan Mist's last gig of 2012
the Dolmen Grove Yule Ball at  The John Gregory Weymouth

 Max belting out the last "Indigo child" looks like I'm about to topple back into Colin's drums!

I can be serious ..honest

               


Max with a sax...and that amazing stage outfit!

Love this Photo ...speaks volumes of where we are on stage these days..no moody faces just having a ball!

Erm what was I saying about moody faces lol!!

Simon hid round the corner most the night

The girls in full pelt ...anyone spot the drummer in any of the pics?
Great night!!!

Mother Dearest is at it again

Mother Dearest (MD) lives in sheltered accommodation. Twas quite a sedate lovely kind of place. Grannies sitting knitting (shreddies no doubt) conversing about Granny type things like ..how young Police officers are these days and how they used to leave their doors wide open when they were young….


Now Christmas lunches at this establishment have always been conservative affairs. Sitting around with the after lunch port and lemon or maybe a nice sherry whilst Bing or Nat crooned their Christmas songs before they were wheeled back into their sweet little Granny homes……

Then the MD moved in …….this year we thought it odd when we got this message on face book

"Slightly piddled at Xmas funkI'll.go and lip on the sofa hee hee"

Wifey was dispatched with Brianna to go check what was going on….and when they arrived there they found all the inmates having a right rave !!! Bottles of wine open empty bottles all along the floor in amongst some passed out Grannies ….after dodging the line of Grannies asking the way to Amarillo..They found MD "Fissed as a part"…Brianna lectured her Nanna not to get to drunk and Wifey made a quick retreat before she was strapped into the infamous dentist chair…yep it was that kind of Party…

Her Facebook updates continued throught out the night  (and these are copied and pasted to keep authenticity)

"Absoletely trasgehed now"

"Still going folks nevefhad sucha .binge dtrinjk"

"Here Hee I'm sure you fo Steopj"

"jjjuuuuuusssssst

Ggggoooooooooooooooooooottttttttttt"

"7bottled later ans sdull going"

"jus got back home had a reaaaaaally brilliant day can't believe I drunk sssssso much wine and didn't get mullllered"

"good nighttt I am going to sleep now seeytoui all at the moot at the Boot xx"

"Bringing s newcnemberv"

Now I'll leave you dearest reader to be judge and jury….she claims she was not drunk..but when I called her at about 2200 hours she said she was one of the last three standing except she couldn't stand as she was too drunk…she did make it home into her cell eventually... with all the other inmates…probably still asking the way to Amarillo no doubt….

A Creamier Brandy Sauce

So it's silly season again. "Yes I am a Pagan"  I seem to answer all the time."Yes I celebrate Yule" …and "Yes I like Christmas!" Is that not having your cake and eating it? (what a stupid saying that is by the way…what are you supposed to do with cake?...look at it? ) Well yes it is….and?

I have no spiritual association with Christmas anymore, apart from Rum that is! My spiritual time is the Winter Solstice…Yule….but then I did grow up with happy memories of waking up on Christmas morning getting pressies and eating Christmas dinner until being so stuffed you can't move and then boxing day when your house smells of Brussel sprout induced farts and you are in full swing of new toy bliss !!!!!

You know Jesus was probably a really top bloke too. I mean he loved a camp and he definitely loved wine ..he turned loads of water into it after all, so reckon he would have been quite a "Down with the boys"  kind of geezer rather pagan like in fact... ….so although this time of year has absolutely no association of his birth really, if Christians around the world want to celebrate the birth of their Christ around our Yule time and create such positive energy and emotion around the world ..so mote it be …

This time of year brings the best out of humanity….thinking of the Christmas truce in WWI….and good will to all men…and loads of washing up for Mums but it also brings out the worst too …Cliff Richard…need I say more! ….Oh and work Christmas parties!!!!!

Last year I didn't go to our office meal.. as the restaurant it was held at?..  I well,….kind of had an encounter with the chef and unfortunately administered a little Mr Slappy a few weeks prior and thought upon seeing me, everyone's  brandy sauce might just get a little creamier..and although contemplation of revenge on some of my work colleagues by proxy was sweet….I decided not to show my face . This year however with said chef was  long gone so  I decided I'd go but always feel it sensible not to drink at such occasions.ThisChristmas meal  was pretty standard procedure this year and certain chains of events happen, sort of like a protocol at these things ..like top boss paid for loads of drinks…can't fault that very generous, that cued the thoughts in our heads (well at least mine)…oh actually he is a good bloke and didn't really mean to be a pain in the backside the rest of the year …then there is the obligatory depressive drunk..life is boring they are old and boring nothing going for them apparently….the over the top Christmas cheery person that reminds you of Graham Norton …no I really do not want to wear a paper flippin crown on my head!! The organisor spreadsheet in hand …"No! you ordered the prawn cocktail not the onion soup" ……management as much as they try to integrate  there is always a riff raff side and the management side of the dinner table and never ceases to amaze me that by the main course you would be mistaken from thinking the management side was the riff raff side such is the juvenile behaviour and or topic of conversation!!!

Then there is me…usually as loud and brash as you like in the office ..sitting wondering what I am doing there! Most of the people  around me are good decent people some I'd be happy to associate out of work ..some not but I couldn't help looking down at my glass of diet coke and wish it were a tankard of cider and …that my boring clothes would change to "Steam punk" garb…and that I wasn't surrounded by "muggles"!  A fish out of water and no desire to be anywhere but in that water. Just over 24 hours later there I was, in my Ol' Horny hat…tails etc. with Wifey in her bestest basque surrounded by the coolest people ..Pagan people…it was like coming home..bliss

….and no brandy sauce in sight!!!!!!