In the far far East rings out from the lone Scottish piper walking accross the hallowed turf of Hampden park ..the stands as empty as the Scotland trophy cabinet th...........pipes let out a deflated sound.
"Oiy yoo ! blog man! why yoo taken the p**s oot of Scotland ! at least we failed with pride went out f#=^ing fighting with the World champions!!!England were a disgrace and as for Malta?
Releasing Braveheart on widescreen has a lot to answer for!!!!!
Welcome back to another exciting episode of the Desert Classic Gu(o)lf Tour 2007, the tour guaranteed to give you insomnia, lose you 2 stone, turn all your hair grey and leave your skin looking like a pimpled teenager all over again.
Well it has been a busy old week in the golf club, with some players ending their rounds and new ones joining the tour, ready to try out their new clubs and see if they too can hit a few birdies or hole in ones!, whilst trying to stay out of the bunkers.
It is with a smile that marks a happy end to my playing partner Big T's tour (no don't miss read me, we will miss him - honestly). Having already started playing the course way back in May, he was well and truly in full swing when i arrived. He has managed to develop his swing, as well as his accuracy on the dart board and his quiet manner and dry sense of humour will be missed by all on the tour. He has managed to get himself fit using the "dodge" method of training, or more commonly known as "dodge the golf balls", he has recorded a whopping 800+ during his tour. We therefore have to say welcome or is it Wilkommen to the tour, his replacement `slim jim`, having arrived from the fatherland with the sound of marching boots, crisply pressed uniform and a level of high spirits not seen since happy hour at the Britney Spears family reunion. We shall have to wait and see if he is a true hitter or a daisy cutter, or like my brother in law - a zigzag tree hugger (sorry gary you know its true). We also have to say a big hello to the `whinging wives` replacement player, as he has also arrived to play the course. He has been unfortunately named after a famous dead Egyptian, no i dont mean King Tut, nope he is named DODI, not by birth name but by looks - poor fellow.
Wwll we have as usual been busy playing dodge the ball again this week, with an increase in our rival's efforts to disrupt the tour from last week. I am however beginning to suspect that someone is watching me, as for some strange reason ever since my round started they mostly seem to start throwing golf balls as i am talking - `what do you mean - nothing unusual there then`..........I of course mean that i am usually in the internet cabin talking with Mrs and Junior Jockanese K on MSN. Thankfully again, they were way off the mark and the course has been unaffected and the tour continues.
Well as Jock with the pipes, has reared his kilt up again - I would like to point out that just to make us feel more at home with our kinsmen, it has started to rain out on the tour, so we feel well at home (ok well maybe not at home). This turn of weather could prove difficult for the tour and its players, given our hotels are situated on dirt flats, so we are expecting to get a little sticky over the coming weeks. Look out for further updates (thats if i am not bogged down in some muddy pond by then, or floating away in my cofin).
Well thats all for this week, so with my head down and chin up, ill sign off till next weeks update. Be safe and Well.
The sound of the pipes echoing down the players tunnel. The lone piper smartly dressed in kilt and Croatia top and a smug smile on his
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Monday, 26 November 2007
Back Gigging
I t was about –3 degrees I was unloading the hot Machero sound system speakers and instruments out of the car cursing the criminal fraternity of this world …as if I could trust a couple of grands worth of equipment in the Machero mobile overnight I wouldn't have to load up again in the morning. It was Friday we were supposed to have had a really quick run through the set for the next day our 5th gig our first with the bootster. We had agreed we'd tune down a semitone to assist in poor old boots' voice so he could hit the highs in Merry Christmas everyone…the result of which meant the whole set sounded dull and down beat…….I threw a wobbler at one point when trying to get our mad cap drummer Barabanshik to kick off in time with me and Wifey at the right time in "Chasing Cars" ….I looked over to him to give him a nod but his eyes were shut in a trance …happily drumming away totally missing the cue as his bass player was dancing in front of his drum set pulling the most extra ordinary faces …this threw everyone out and Bara ban ana man shik 's smiley little face did little to dampen the fire that raged within me…less than 16 hours to the gig and we were making fundamental errors I showed my disgust and we performed the song better the next time round…..Bara band on the run shik's eyes were as wide as saucers for his cue when it arrived this time!!!!!!! Then I cocked up my backing and Baraban boom boom shake da room shik was too much of a gentleman to pass comment….although as we got round to Dakota he stopped us told us all to tune back up as it sounded awful and if we tuned down again he would kill us!!!!!!! We did so and normal service was resumed except our 45 minute rehearsal turned into near 2 hours which meant there I was at near 11 pm heaving amps and speakers into Machero towers wondering how we were going to fair on the morrow………
The morrow came and the same amps were being carted out through the same frost only this time my little roadies Rock star and Mini Minx assisted ……at 1100 O'clock we were all there at the hall ( after turning down the wrong road twice ) Boots' family never actually got there (rumour has it they are still travelling around the ring road in Bracknell as we speak) We sound checked ……sounded good …we were on form……the PTA lady came up to me rather worried ……the head teacher had complained we were too loud……..!!!! ROCK 'N' ROLL…….!!!!!!
I reassured her that with a hall full of people the noise would be absorbed and it would be fine …Hee hee heee!!!!
With minutes to go Boots gave Baraban been to London to see the queen shik last minute instructions not to go mad on his drums…you see his flair and brilliance is sometimes lost on our Bootster as he is thrown in to turmoil by a spur of the moment piece of brilliant filling by our drummer extra ordinaire….Baraban bun in the oven shik looked at me with almost as much devilment in his eyes as he has in his hands!!!!!!!
I then noticed that Boots was going to perform without the use of a safety harness ……yes no chords no words!!!!!!! At last a front man that doesn't need words…hurrah .
Our set list was
Into the deep ,
Chasing Cars ,
Happy New Year,
Mr Rock n Roll,
Dakota ,
Merry Christmas everyone
and encored with She's Electric.
Happy New Year is the first truly Hot Machero song…..Words and music written by Boots and almost discarded as not meeting up to requirement but resurrected for Hot Machero I put a bass line to it Wifey does this Marillion esque guitar bit over the top and Baraban born to be wild shik after many different variations puts a killer drum beat to the song….so the credits will read words and music written by Wilkins arranged by Hot Machero….We are all very proud of that song I think it's a shame it's seasonal really…
The gig went really well there are a few points for development but we went down well and friends and family who have seen most of our gigs have said this was the best thus far and this is a lot to do with the personnel change. With the greatest respect to those who trod before ,Boots has raised the bar……..
So a job well done …what's next? Back to rehearsals …we are recording a few demos and expanding our repertoire….America by Razorlight is getting the next Hot Machero touch!!! And another original song called Down to Earth…….
Hot Machero are back!
The morrow came and the same amps were being carted out through the same frost only this time my little roadies Rock star and Mini Minx assisted ……at 1100 O'clock we were all there at the hall ( after turning down the wrong road twice ) Boots' family never actually got there (rumour has it they are still travelling around the ring road in Bracknell as we speak) We sound checked ……sounded good …we were on form……the PTA lady came up to me rather worried ……the head teacher had complained we were too loud……..!!!! ROCK 'N' ROLL…….!!!!!!
I reassured her that with a hall full of people the noise would be absorbed and it would be fine …Hee hee heee!!!!
With minutes to go Boots gave Baraban been to London to see the queen shik last minute instructions not to go mad on his drums…you see his flair and brilliance is sometimes lost on our Bootster as he is thrown in to turmoil by a spur of the moment piece of brilliant filling by our drummer extra ordinaire….Baraban bun in the oven shik looked at me with almost as much devilment in his eyes as he has in his hands!!!!!!!
I then noticed that Boots was going to perform without the use of a safety harness ……yes no chords no words!!!!!!! At last a front man that doesn't need words…hurrah .
Our set list was
Into the deep ,
Chasing Cars ,
Happy New Year,
Mr Rock n Roll,
Dakota ,
Merry Christmas everyone
and encored with She's Electric.
Happy New Year is the first truly Hot Machero song…..Words and music written by Boots and almost discarded as not meeting up to requirement but resurrected for Hot Machero I put a bass line to it Wifey does this Marillion esque guitar bit over the top and Baraban born to be wild shik after many different variations puts a killer drum beat to the song….so the credits will read words and music written by Wilkins arranged by Hot Machero….We are all very proud of that song I think it's a shame it's seasonal really…
The gig went really well there are a few points for development but we went down well and friends and family who have seen most of our gigs have said this was the best thus far and this is a lot to do with the personnel change. With the greatest respect to those who trod before ,Boots has raised the bar……..
So a job well done …what's next? Back to rehearsals …we are recording a few demos and expanding our repertoire….America by Razorlight is getting the next Hot Machero touch!!! And another original song called Down to Earth…….
Hot Machero are back!
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Rooney's toe nail clippings
The Diddler former rhythm guitarist for Hot Machero was at a charity boxing event last weekend. He’d had one or too many beers and was sat during the charity auction staring at his pint pot muttering in his thick Scouse accent that his mate Brian would not find him and his mates as they were now sat at a different table. The auction was well under way and the bidding had reached £750 for a small bag of Wayne Rooney’s toe clippings or some other pants celebrity prize!!!!
The Diddler spots Brian at the entrance to the hall and his little face lit up as he threw his hands into the air and shouts in Scouse-anese
“Hey Hey oooover ere mate!”
The auctioneer ‘s voice excitedly announced “£800 pounds from over here thank you sir” The Dids looked round in horror to see the auctioneer pointing to him. His faced paled into a pasty white as the item was ....”going...... going....and S..” at the last minute a bid for £850 came in and the Dids was saved from being severely beaten to a pulp by his Linda as he returned home spending short of a grand on something as worthless as Steve Maclaren’s match tactics........
Well twas Wifey’s birthday Monday so at the weekend Mini minx was looked after by M...formerly known as Fraggle and Mokey.....now only known as .....M .
Mother dearest looked after Rockstar. Wifey and I disappeared up to London for a weekend break ,caught a show and did all the things you do in London these days........no I didn’t mean do a mugging , partake in drugs and sleep rough......I mean shopping ,a meal and generally walked our legs off .
Saturday is drawing nearer, rehearsals are going well for the gig although my voice is still not back to normal and there is a doubt as to if I will be able to sing one of the songs and some last minute tweaking may have to be done. The Dark Marge isn’t coming up from Dorset though which is a shame....I took advice from him regarding the Boots man being a Wizard ...and if there was a link between Wizardry and the Beatles ...but even the Marge didn’t know......I think the word Beatles is a spell word as every time Boots says “ Well the Beatles.........” I get the urge to smack him over the head with my bass. Although I quite like the fab four I think their best work has been covered by others !!!! (Sorry if You are reading this Boots) Helter Skelter by U2 is a prime example as is Strawberry Fields by Candy flop and dare I say it risking social suicide Wet wet wet’s A little help from my friends!
Nuff blogging ...more later this week
The Diddler spots Brian at the entrance to the hall and his little face lit up as he threw his hands into the air and shouts in Scouse-anese
“Hey Hey oooover ere mate!”
The auctioneer ‘s voice excitedly announced “£800 pounds from over here thank you sir” The Dids looked round in horror to see the auctioneer pointing to him. His faced paled into a pasty white as the item was ....”going...... going....and S..” at the last minute a bid for £850 came in and the Dids was saved from being severely beaten to a pulp by his Linda as he returned home spending short of a grand on something as worthless as Steve Maclaren’s match tactics........
Well twas Wifey’s birthday Monday so at the weekend Mini minx was looked after by M...formerly known as Fraggle and Mokey.....now only known as .....M .
Mother dearest looked after Rockstar. Wifey and I disappeared up to London for a weekend break ,caught a show and did all the things you do in London these days........no I didn’t mean do a mugging , partake in drugs and sleep rough......I mean shopping ,a meal and generally walked our legs off .
Saturday is drawing nearer, rehearsals are going well for the gig although my voice is still not back to normal and there is a doubt as to if I will be able to sing one of the songs and some last minute tweaking may have to be done. The Dark Marge isn’t coming up from Dorset though which is a shame....I took advice from him regarding the Boots man being a Wizard ...and if there was a link between Wizardry and the Beatles ...but even the Marge didn’t know......I think the word Beatles is a spell word as every time Boots says “ Well the Beatles.........” I get the urge to smack him over the head with my bass. Although I quite like the fab four I think their best work has been covered by others !!!! (Sorry if You are reading this Boots) Helter Skelter by U2 is a prime example as is Strawberry Fields by Candy flop and dare I say it risking social suicide Wet wet wet’s A little help from my friends!
Nuff blogging ...more later this week
Jockanese K...MBE..Returns to duty
A lone piper walks along a sand swept runway littered with craters. Peppered bullet marks scar the building he walks past as he meticulously plays the opening bars to "In the far far east there's a dirty little beast on his bagpipes!...He dive's for cover as his playing has attracted the unwanted attention of a group of battle hardened soldiers now taking aim at our hapless piper........then a commanding voice bellows
" OK ok leave the piper alone he's on our side save it for the enemy"
Hello to all you hotties, sportsfans and Star Trekers out there - welcome back to the final stages of this years 2007 Desert Classic Gu(o)lf Tour. With the mid point break over, the players have recharged their batteries and are ready for the final push to the 19th hold.
Having departed the course in the early morning hours of the 6th, it was of no surprise to me to find our airline running late due to aircraft handling problems - would you believe it - the Kuwaities could not find anywhere for the aircraft to park, and i thought i had problems on Saturday mornings at ASDA. Never the less it was only a minor delay to the journey and the look on Junior Jockanese K's face when i arrived home would make even the hardest person melt to mush, i can tell you.
It was mighty nice to make it home to celebrate Junior Jockanese's 7th birthday, and participate in her party. Having the chance to re-acquaint myself with family, friends and speak to my folks on the phone a few times, all in all slip myself back into my life again. don't tell Mrs Jockanese, but i even enjoyed going shopping....shhhhhhh. I also managed to teach myself what a hoover is for, rediscover methods of cleaning not only the bathroom and toilet but wait for it....the oven too, although i must admit i did do the typical bloke thing and only do half a job.
So after a well earned 7 days in the extremely cold homeland (well it was freezing to me), it was time to depart the homeland and make the epic journey to pay homage to the sun god, the lord of the mighty golf swing and chant "swing bara bara swing" to the deflector boys. Departing the homeland we were only 1 hour late, then we ventured over to the land of the Hunn, where we were scheduled to take on new players for the next tour. This should have ben a relatively smooth operation apart from the fact that these new players golf clubs took up more weight than predicted, so evolved a large game of musical chairs (without the music) around the aircraft in an attempt to re-ballance the aircraft as it was nose heavy. So after what seemed like an eternity we finally started to rumble down the tarmac, and keep rumbling down the tarmac, and with a little bit of trepidation it eventually lifted off the ground into the star filled sky. So next on the journey was Kuwait, and we arrived on time only to find that we would not be returning to the course that morning as planned, as the runway of our course airport had been damaged by some unwelcome flying golf balls. Well in the end we arrived after some 36 hrs.
So the tour is back on and has restarted, in my absence some players have found romance, some took a well earned rest in the local hospital (falling down a pot hole in the dark), and my cofin has grown a lid, AND i have been doing a bit of Kerb crawling - YES i have and NO its not what it sounds like - honest guv.... Having spent a week in the UK driving the JockMobile on the left hand side of the road, I have returned to driving the golf card on the right (ok love i know its a posh Golf Cart). To my passengers shock whilst transiting from work to the course restaurant and with my mind elsewhere i proceeded to leave the fairway, mount the kerb and drive on the rough stuff for about 10 metres before rejoining the fairway. So you can well imagine i was glad it was dark and there were no witnesses or course officials, i have however had no end of ribbing since.
Last but not least,, your favourite Hot Machero Bass Player and occasional squealer mentioned that a few of you hotties have questioned whether or not these updates paint a true picture of life here on the tour, i can only answer Yes, the truth it is,, however just in case you fell into a sand trap, i am not really playing golf on a golf course!!!!...
Well having read "Jock with the pipes" rantings about wind swept beaches, lashings of rain, i can kind of of concede that indeed it is rather cold at the moment in the homeland. However may i suggest a scarf, gloves and a tranditional tamishanter (or bonnet to you non-jocks out there), as this may help put the wind back in yer pipes, as a true Scotsman that i am sure he is, i would not dare suggest the wearing of thermal undies under the kilt for fear of a VPL.
Jockanese K MBE
Lone piper walks off into the sunset over the sandy runway "In the far far east is interupted as a clatter of pipes and player disappear as if by magic from thin air as a cross Scottish voice shouts
"Who the F=*K put this f*&%ing crater in the f$+_ing way.............get me oooot help help get me oooooooooot"
" OK ok leave the piper alone he's on our side save it for the enemy"
Hello to all you hotties, sportsfans and Star Trekers out there - welcome back to the final stages of this years 2007 Desert Classic Gu(o)lf Tour. With the mid point break over, the players have recharged their batteries and are ready for the final push to the 19th hold.
Having departed the course in the early morning hours of the 6th, it was of no surprise to me to find our airline running late due to aircraft handling problems - would you believe it - the Kuwaities could not find anywhere for the aircraft to park, and i thought i had problems on Saturday mornings at ASDA. Never the less it was only a minor delay to the journey and the look on Junior Jockanese K's face when i arrived home would make even the hardest person melt to mush, i can tell you.
It was mighty nice to make it home to celebrate Junior Jockanese's 7th birthday, and participate in her party. Having the chance to re-acquaint myself with family, friends and speak to my folks on the phone a few times, all in all slip myself back into my life again. don't tell Mrs Jockanese, but i even enjoyed going shopping....shhhhhhh. I also managed to teach myself what a hoover is for, rediscover methods of cleaning not only the bathroom and toilet but wait for it....the oven too, although i must admit i did do the typical bloke thing and only do half a job.
So after a well earned 7 days in the extremely cold homeland (well it was freezing to me), it was time to depart the homeland and make the epic journey to pay homage to the sun god, the lord of the mighty golf swing and chant "swing bara bara swing" to the deflector boys. Departing the homeland we were only 1 hour late, then we ventured over to the land of the Hunn, where we were scheduled to take on new players for the next tour. This should have ben a relatively smooth operation apart from the fact that these new players golf clubs took up more weight than predicted, so evolved a large game of musical chairs (without the music) around the aircraft in an attempt to re-ballance the aircraft as it was nose heavy. So after what seemed like an eternity we finally started to rumble down the tarmac, and keep rumbling down the tarmac, and with a little bit of trepidation it eventually lifted off the ground into the star filled sky. So next on the journey was Kuwait, and we arrived on time only to find that we would not be returning to the course that morning as planned, as the runway of our course airport had been damaged by some unwelcome flying golf balls. Well in the end we arrived after some 36 hrs.
So the tour is back on and has restarted, in my absence some players have found romance, some took a well earned rest in the local hospital (falling down a pot hole in the dark), and my cofin has grown a lid, AND i have been doing a bit of Kerb crawling - YES i have and NO its not what it sounds like - honest guv.... Having spent a week in the UK driving the JockMobile on the left hand side of the road, I have returned to driving the golf card on the right (ok love i know its a posh Golf Cart). To my passengers shock whilst transiting from work to the course restaurant and with my mind elsewhere i proceeded to leave the fairway, mount the kerb and drive on the rough stuff for about 10 metres before rejoining the fairway. So you can well imagine i was glad it was dark and there were no witnesses or course officials, i have however had no end of ribbing since.
Last but not least,, your favourite Hot Machero Bass Player and occasional squealer mentioned that a few of you hotties have questioned whether or not these updates paint a true picture of life here on the tour, i can only answer Yes, the truth it is,, however just in case you fell into a sand trap, i am not really playing golf on a golf course!!!!...
Well having read "Jock with the pipes" rantings about wind swept beaches, lashings of rain, i can kind of of concede that indeed it is rather cold at the moment in the homeland. However may i suggest a scarf, gloves and a tranditional tamishanter (or bonnet to you non-jocks out there), as this may help put the wind back in yer pipes, as a true Scotsman that i am sure he is, i would not dare suggest the wearing of thermal undies under the kilt for fear of a VPL.
Jockanese K MBE
Lone piper walks off into the sunset over the sandy runway "In the far far east is interupted as a clatter of pipes and player disappear as if by magic from thin air as a cross Scottish voice shouts
"Who the F=*K put this f*&%ing crater in the f$+_ing way.............get me oooot help help get me oooooooooot"
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
Gone all gone!!!!!!!
Gone!!!!!.................... after 10 years .....gone!.....Rockstar cried " I want my Daddy back!" Gone..!!!!!!!
Rockstar cried his eyes out ...his Daddy's beard had gone....wifey came in from a hard days's work on a Saturday and said all day she was thinking I should shave it off.....so I did.I grew my goaty in 1997 and apart from a very brief encounter with the razor in September 2002 when wifey threatened to put my head in a paperback unless I grew it back it has been on my face since that day. Most have said I look ten years younger ...does that mean I look 26 then ?.....no I just don't look 46 anymore!!!!!!!!!!
I left work early on Friday and rushed to an emergency appointment at the doctors as my voice hadn't been right since three weeks back...I was croaking like Joe Cocker and my throat started to hurt ....I had Laryngitis ...the doc stated it is common in singers and people who used their voices loads ....I'm reliably informed by my work colleagues Mr T , Road runner and my boss Cruella that I was a dead cert to get it!!!!!!!! so I've been prescribed steroids and antibiotics to help mend the old vocal chords before the 24th for our first gig with the bootster as our front man! I am also not speaking at work I have buried myself into my PC surgically attached myself to my earphones attached to my Ipod and blasted out Marillion all day!!!! wicked! Incidentally upon hearing of my plight at the doctors from my text update to my illustrious leader ..Cruella replied .....
"Steroids! will u be growing boobies or is a sudden increase in hair growth be likely?" then I arrive on Monday without my beard that I was carefully cultivating into a point !!!!
Jockanese K ...MBE flew into Blighty for a week's leave it was little miss Jokanese K's 7th birthday party and it was good to see them all. Now wifey and I have lost a stone in three weeks due to being really good with our food...so when the hotdogs came round at this kiddies party I refused thinking that if I stand next to Boots on stage people might sing the Fatty and skinny song.......you know
"Fatty and skinny were sat in the bath ....fatty blew off and made skinny laugh!!!!"
so I declined .....later on I thought maybe I can just have a frankfurter .......I looked into the hallway ..... no one seemed to be in the kitchen area. I side stepped the children intently watching the children's entertainer faff around with a story before she showed the children in what a small space you can keep a large bunny ....some party old bugs had!...... Anyway I went to the kitchen door and saw the large pot with some very lonely frankies in it I inched into the kitchen looking over my shoulder as I was just about to commit the dasterdly deed..... I tiptoed in, sylvester styly.....my Tweety was a fat frankie sitting in a pot.....I then noticed preparing the cake behind the door Mrs Jokanese K...... with her auntie smiling as I reached the pot.......I put on an air of I don't care on my face produced my strumming fingers circled them in the air and plunged them into the pot ........unknown to me ...it had just stopped boiling !!!!!!!!!! aghhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Mrs Jokanese K was now on the floor clutching her sides ......partly at my plight of getting my fingers burnt and partly because ....she didn't tell me....that I would burn my fingers!!!!!! ......now I know why it is called a hot dog!!! I however called it something else beginning in FFFFFF and ending in ucker!
Sorry for the noticeable delay in writing my masterpieces but this was due to Sky and BT not getting their act together and our broadband crashing at the exchange....it was awful Wifey went nearly two weeks without E-bay!!!!!! luckilywe'd ordered her birthday present before it went down.......gone is the complicated Boss Guitar multi effects pedal ...in is the snazzy simple to use Behringer pedals and board complete with case....it sounds great!!!!!
A terrible thing happened to wifey and I on Saturday...yes yes....We got sucked into X-Factor ......I know it's really hypocritical of me as I have slagged off the whole concept but how the hell did that twerp that kept crying ever expect anything else but elimination from the show after completely masacaring Chasing cars by Snow Patrol!!!! Now this is number 2 on our set on the 24th November and Boots sings this ten fold better than this cry baby thing on the telly. How the hell did Bevereley be considered for elimination!!!! British public you've done it again! you never cease to amaze me!.....what's next Hot Machero for Christmas number one? .............exactly!!!!!!!!
Might have to watch it next week......seeing Louie Walsh completely dis Dani Minogue was very very funny.
Dani------ " You and Simon are completely out of touch!!!!!!"
Louie------- " Oh really....that's why we are turning out number 1 hit records and you are not!"................priceless!
Have you all seen the latest photos of your favourite band on our myspace? no ...why?call yourselves Hotties!!!!! these were taken at last week by our neighbour the Duke! we like them and we thank him profusely for giving up his Saturday afternoon to take pictures of us...did you notice that Barabanshik has in his hand a big fat Lah-di (Lah di dah.......Cigar for those of you from the sticks!) He had one of his best Cubans on the go. Rumour has it that Mamma Barabanshik is in the country having seen the pictures to tell him he is a very naughty boy! or the equivalent in Armenian. She is coming to the gig on the 24th so that means we will have two fans with Mother dearest promising to turn up too.
We are hoping more of you turn up from out there ....this is Boots' first outing with us and I think we sound the best we have so far.....(and am sure we can be better) If all goes well and we get an encore we'll play for the very first time an original song written by Boots but never performed before..........so in true Ibiza style ...............................come on everybody .............................make some noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rockstar cried his eyes out ...his Daddy's beard had gone....wifey came in from a hard days's work on a Saturday and said all day she was thinking I should shave it off.....so I did.I grew my goaty in 1997 and apart from a very brief encounter with the razor in September 2002 when wifey threatened to put my head in a paperback unless I grew it back it has been on my face since that day. Most have said I look ten years younger ...does that mean I look 26 then ?.....no I just don't look 46 anymore!!!!!!!!!!
I left work early on Friday and rushed to an emergency appointment at the doctors as my voice hadn't been right since three weeks back...I was croaking like Joe Cocker and my throat started to hurt ....I had Laryngitis ...the doc stated it is common in singers and people who used their voices loads ....I'm reliably informed by my work colleagues Mr T , Road runner and my boss Cruella that I was a dead cert to get it!!!!!!!! so I've been prescribed steroids and antibiotics to help mend the old vocal chords before the 24th for our first gig with the bootster as our front man! I am also not speaking at work I have buried myself into my PC surgically attached myself to my earphones attached to my Ipod and blasted out Marillion all day!!!! wicked! Incidentally upon hearing of my plight at the doctors from my text update to my illustrious leader ..Cruella replied .....
"Steroids! will u be growing boobies or is a sudden increase in hair growth be likely?" then I arrive on Monday without my beard that I was carefully cultivating into a point !!!!
Jockanese K ...MBE flew into Blighty for a week's leave it was little miss Jokanese K's 7th birthday party and it was good to see them all. Now wifey and I have lost a stone in three weeks due to being really good with our food...so when the hotdogs came round at this kiddies party I refused thinking that if I stand next to Boots on stage people might sing the Fatty and skinny song.......you know
"Fatty and skinny were sat in the bath ....fatty blew off and made skinny laugh!!!!"
so I declined .....later on I thought maybe I can just have a frankfurter .......I looked into the hallway ..... no one seemed to be in the kitchen area. I side stepped the children intently watching the children's entertainer faff around with a story before she showed the children in what a small space you can keep a large bunny ....some party old bugs had!...... Anyway I went to the kitchen door and saw the large pot with some very lonely frankies in it I inched into the kitchen looking over my shoulder as I was just about to commit the dasterdly deed..... I tiptoed in, sylvester styly.....my Tweety was a fat frankie sitting in a pot.....I then noticed preparing the cake behind the door Mrs Jokanese K...... with her auntie smiling as I reached the pot.......I put on an air of I don't care on my face produced my strumming fingers circled them in the air and plunged them into the pot ........unknown to me ...it had just stopped boiling !!!!!!!!!! aghhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Mrs Jokanese K was now on the floor clutching her sides ......partly at my plight of getting my fingers burnt and partly because ....she didn't tell me....that I would burn my fingers!!!!!! ......now I know why it is called a hot dog!!! I however called it something else beginning in FFFFFF and ending in ucker!
Sorry for the noticeable delay in writing my masterpieces but this was due to Sky and BT not getting their act together and our broadband crashing at the exchange....it was awful Wifey went nearly two weeks without E-bay!!!!!! luckilywe'd ordered her birthday present before it went down.......gone is the complicated Boss Guitar multi effects pedal ...in is the snazzy simple to use Behringer pedals and board complete with case....it sounds great!!!!!
A terrible thing happened to wifey and I on Saturday...yes yes....We got sucked into X-Factor ......I know it's really hypocritical of me as I have slagged off the whole concept but how the hell did that twerp that kept crying ever expect anything else but elimination from the show after completely masacaring Chasing cars by Snow Patrol!!!! Now this is number 2 on our set on the 24th November and Boots sings this ten fold better than this cry baby thing on the telly. How the hell did Bevereley be considered for elimination!!!! British public you've done it again! you never cease to amaze me!.....what's next Hot Machero for Christmas number one? .............exactly!!!!!!!!
Might have to watch it next week......seeing Louie Walsh completely dis Dani Minogue was very very funny.
Dani------ " You and Simon are completely out of touch!!!!!!"
Louie------- " Oh really....that's why we are turning out number 1 hit records and you are not!"................priceless!
Have you all seen the latest photos of your favourite band on our myspace? no ...why?call yourselves Hotties!!!!! these were taken at last week by our neighbour the Duke! we like them and we thank him profusely for giving up his Saturday afternoon to take pictures of us...did you notice that Barabanshik has in his hand a big fat Lah-di (Lah di dah.......Cigar for those of you from the sticks!) He had one of his best Cubans on the go. Rumour has it that Mamma Barabanshik is in the country having seen the pictures to tell him he is a very naughty boy! or the equivalent in Armenian. She is coming to the gig on the 24th so that means we will have two fans with Mother dearest promising to turn up too.
We are hoping more of you turn up from out there ....this is Boots' first outing with us and I think we sound the best we have so far.....(and am sure we can be better) If all goes well and we get an encore we'll play for the very first time an original song written by Boots but never performed before..........so in true Ibiza style ...............................come on everybody .............................make some noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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