Match of the Day

Match report by the Incredible Gurning Gizmo Geezer.

It was Spriggan United's first match...
The team had been assembled over a short space of time, but had worked hard in their training sessions: this was their first friendly. There were teething problems with their kit, some of the shirts were a bit baggy, but they all managed to get to the stadium on time. But it was not the covered stadium they had expected, they were a bit worried if it rained, as their new kit wasn't waterproof and the colours might run. There was a match already playing, and it was a good standard, but the crowd didn't seem that interested - they were probably waiting for the main event.

The team started doing their warm-up, when the FA fixture-secretary came over and asked what the hell they were doing? It turned out that there had been a fixture mix-up, and the pitch was double-booked. As the team sighed with disappointment (ok, As the team raged in anger..), a compromise was hashed out where the match could be played immediately after the previous one, but they would need to complete their warm-up quickly. As they rushed to get ready, the captain seemed to have picked up an injury, but he recovered, so they were ready to start playing.

The first few minutes were a bit tentative, as might be expected. There were a few mistakes, and the team didn't seem to be enjoying themselves too much. The coach, who was also new to the job, done his best to keep them going. The crowd still seemed ambivalent to the whole affair,no cheering or booing - it turned out they were all listening on the radio to Blackburn beating Portsmouth 2-0 (seems they were all Portsmouth fans). Anyway, Spriggan's match finished, and the team felt disappointed with their performance and the resulting 0-0 draw.

Later, they sat together watching 'Match Of The Day', expecting a depressing experience. But they were surprised that they did better than they thought at the time, and a few sick parrots were cured. Alan Hansen said that it was "a good defensive performance - the team and coach show promise if they keep working".