Jokanese K.....MBE speaks

Cue A-Team drums...(you know from the beginning of the programme)
Eighteen years ago a young Scotsman clawed his way out of the depths of a Livingstone council estate and joined the RAF to seek Action ,excitement and glory instead he became a techy geek and worked in comms and computers.......decorated with an MBE ..he writes for us from a warzone in a far flung country....if you can find him ...or find someone to translate him you can hire.......Jockanese K....MBE.
(Automatic machine gun fire followed by full band bit from the A-Team kicking in and slowly fading )


Hi top blokes,
Jockaneese_K_MBE here, signing on from somewhere across the world in probably the biggest sand pit Tiger Woods has ever seen - well if he was standing with me right now that is .
Well week one of the Gu(o)lf tour 2007 commenced, and what a week it has been. Since flying the flag over the Arabian peninsula, I arrived safe and sound. The weather is hot, damn hot, which is good if you want to roast a chicken but not if your trying to work - its a good job that I work in an air conditioned building, and sleep in one too - otherwise I’d end up looking like Ghandi's flip flop from the sole up right now....
Having started the week on Humpty Dumpty’s wall and shaky, I have now read the course and found my path to freedom. It is anticipated that the course will take pretty much 16 and a bit weeks to complete - which should set a Guiness book record for a round of Gu(o)lf. My head has been up the preverbal Osteritch’s bottom this week (or is that in the sand, mmm ill have to sleep on that one), if my head wasn’t attached firmly to my neck, i swear i would have left it somewhere, as i seem to have left everything from my driving licence to arrival paperwork somewhere it shouldn’t have been left, I even (scarily) left my rifle behind too - who ever gave me a rifle needs shooting (Har Har).
Well as you can imagine, the first hole (week) is now over and only 17 more to play though. The score card reads a firm triple bogey for now, but it is anticipated a few pars and birdies to follow. However the map on the card is a bit difficult to navigate given i looks like something resembling an item you would buy at Homebase for smoothing wood down..
Anyway Jockaneese_K_MBE signing off till after the next hold.
(cue bagpipes......)