It's been a funny week so far. Monday's school run is always eventfull.This Monday as usual we're running to wards the school just on time and we walked past a little Princess. I didn't even acknowledge the fact we had walked past a Princess in a gold dress. It was as I nearly bowled over Darth Vader that I realised in shock horror that all the children were in costume.....don't panic I thought you'll wake up in a minute ......I looked at rockstar's face, my six year old was in a very sharply pressed school uniform looking very sad.....it was story week, all children in the school were to come as someone out of a story today, I'd forgotten.....bad bad Daddy!!!!!! ....my insistance to Rockstar that he was Tucker Jenkins out of Grange Hill were met with glazed eyes, Tucker of course had turned into Mark Fowler way before Rockstar was born....I raced home avoiding little red riding hood as I raced out the gate...she was late anyway ....(probably pestering Granny again?!?!?!?!) I ran into the house and rumaged around Rockstar's dressing up draw....A pirate!!!!.....marvelous!!! I raced back just in time to swipe Rockstar out of the line he was walking in to the hall full of Harry potters ,Ninja Turtles ,Power Rangers, Princesses. changed him into a pirate quicker than Superman morphs from Kent into the man of steel (no he didn't come from Dover I mean Kent as in Clark!!!) and placed him back in the queue as Peter Pan ....aka Rockstars teacher smiled as she realised how devastated I was to have forgotton. Rockstar was over the moon I breathed a sigh of relief ...I asked another teacher if they would be in fancy dress all day (wondering what I was going to do with his uniform). She was in her nightie and dressing gown complete with teddy bear.......now it isn't often you can say that you were speaking to your son's teacher in her bed clothes is it!!!!
Monday night rehearsals help to ease one into the week...Boots was on fine form but Wifey and I were a bit off par ...just a bit tired we thinks. We will be for the first time in a long time a complete band next week. Barabanshik is back from his US of A adventure.....Barara boom dee ay shik will I'm sure be back with a bang ...and a crash (as drummers do) Ba ba ba ba baaaa baaaa(sang in a hawaii 5 O kind of way )shik hasn't met Boots yet. In true hot Machero style in the space of three weeks the band has lost two members gained one, streamlined it's repertoire and added a load more even dabbling into the world of original stuff written by our singer song writer extrordanaire Boots...Wifey is even mid writing a very Kate Bushy type of song which I must say is sounding good....all this while Bar bie girl ina barbie world shik has been away in Boston....phew
So I had to do some shopping and as wander around Tescos in a zombified state looking for green mini babybels....gotta try em'...they are made of goats cheese remind me a little of gbejna (pronounced jbey-na) which is a Maltese cheese. I was always going to fail in my task as Tesco's don't stock them Wifey purchased the other lot from Sainsburys......a minor detail she forgot to tell me...but I digress.....whilst pondering over the cheese issue....I overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and a teenager ...the old lady was actually teaching her Grandson to shop.......it was quite extraordinary!!! He actually had to be told about checking dates etc...Then came the killer question that almost gave me away that I was ear wigging...."Nan....so.....a....do they deliver this to us then?" he pointed to his trolley ladened with groceries......."No she replied you have to carry it to your car "........." sod this " came his reply......"I'm going to get me a laptop and order my shopping on tinternet in future" My God how did we survive without internet shopping!!!!!!!! we so lived in hard times having to lug our shopping to the car.......I wonder if in 50 years time there will be a /hovis advert with some chavvy kid on it walking out of tescos onto a cobbled street straight to his kit ladened corsa saying "aye back in them days we had to actually go shopping for our loaf of Hovis".
If that wasn't enough to make me smile I was waiting at the check out wondering if the woman in front of me was joking when she refused help packing ....does anyone actually accept help? It becomes habit doesn't it...you sidle up all happy as you are at the front of the queue "Do you want any help packing?" brain goes into autodrive.."nah!....i'll be allright" One day I'm going to say yes to see what happens....I bet the check out assistant just says "ok" and carries on as if I said no. May be if you want help packing they will just slow down rather than watch you juggle with your groceries like a contestant out of crackerjack!!!!!( flippin heck I'm showing me age now!!!!!!!) as they hurtle the food down the conveyor belt like Billy whizz on speed, anyway.......... I'm in the queue and a tannoy comes out..."BING BONG......Would a fresh manager please go to customer services BING BONG" the whole shop were clutching their sides.........I just had visions of some woman at customer services saying......"Excuse me I'd like to see the manager as I'm dying for a sh*g" the reply "oh certainly madam I'll just get someone up for the job!" .......or maybe they have mouldy managers....can you imagine that..."I don't want to complain to a Mouldy manager ....get me a fresh one!!!"
I had this insane idea this week to get back into Martial arts...I am fed up of looking down and seeing the roundness around my midrift.....nice on a Vee dub Beetle but not so good on me own body...so off I popped to a local Kickboxing class...I thought it only fair I told the Instructor about my background....It would be a bit like Damon Hill getting into a Driving instructor's car and forgetting to tell him he'd kind of done it before. I did warn said instructor that I had been inactive since about 2004 and that I would be taking it easy..........easy never came into it and the amount of situps and pushups and stretching wasn't even half the amount I used to knock out when I was competing ..but sadly 8 years on and much heavier realisation sets in
A...you are not getting any younger....
B. the satin gi trousers haven't shrunk in the wash but your belly has got bigger and
C.that it is impossible to take in breath from every orofice in your body as I was gasping so much that it felt like I was trying to do so..
I was pleased I could still deliver some jump spin hook kicks and the odd axe kick(much slower than the glory days although still faster than most )...some of my fellow trainess cottoned on......"You 've done this before haven't you".....i tried to tell them it was beginners luck but they were having none of it. It was when I landed a three punch combination,a roundhouse to the stomach and a spin kick to his head that gave it away........( I did actually have to catch my breath for a minute after mind so don't get too excited!!!!) ............. I'm feeling it today....No there will be no ring comeback, and no not even for charity, and no I will not be going for my third dan. This is just me getting fit again .
I have had no update from Jockanese K ....MBE this week ........I know several people have asked I'm sure he is ok...
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I will leave you with the dumbest question ever asked by a journalist. Some journo was reporting on our gallant troups returning home from Afghanistan. There she was with her microphone amongst the wives and children at Aldershot as they're loved ones were coming home after six months on tour in a war zone where soldiers are getting killed daily....A young woman standing with her kids just meets up with her husband who is still in his uniform looking tired but relieved to be home........his kids hugging his camoflaged legs .
the reporter says......
"so what are you going to do now?"
What did she expect him to say?..." well actually i'm going home, eat me tea and then I'm off out out for a bevy with the boys" or " Liverpool are on telly in the Carling cup tonight it so will be a few cans in front of the telly".............his wife however answered for him ........
"We're going to put the kids to bed and then have a bit of "us" time!".....
I bet households up and down the country translated that statement into pure English!!!!!!!!
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