Jockanese K MBE shouts out to the Hotties

(In the tune of BlackAdder)

His uni-form is camoflaged
His un-dies adorned with his tartan
The best, that Scotland has produced
Legend in his own front garden

Jock-a-nese K
Jock-a- nese K
He's in the middle east
Jock-a-nese K
Jock-a- nese K
Porridge is his feast

(sing a bit higher!)
Jock-a-nese K
Jock-a- nese K
The best that Scotland's got!
Jock-a-nese K
Jock-a- nese K
Who armed him should be shot!



(cue bag pipes playing in the far far east)


"Hi to all you Hotties out there and all you die hard sports fans, I hear that you have been enquiring with our sponsor as to the welfare of the players due to the lateness of this update - thanks for your concern, but all the players are ok (We did however lose a player due to a tragic accident last week - and our condolences go out to his family and friends). Sorry for the delay in sending this update, but as you can probably imagine the gu(o)lf tour is in full swing and we are playing our way through the rough and fairway on our way to the 19th hole where the victory dance is planned for New Years Eve.

So what i hear you asking has been going on, on the tour?, well not a lot to be honest, its been pretty plain parring for the past few weeks since the last update. We've had quite a few false reports of mud slinging from the rival courses here, but we have had 4 confirmed foreign golf balls land on the course - luckily again no damage to the course occurred and they did not hit any of our players. This has of course resulted in some minor delays, as lying on the floor with ones hands over his head is becoming an unfavourite pasttime. On a good note, our course is now back to the oasis that it once was, as our water problems appear to be behind us now and full flow has been restored.

Well we have been graced this past week by a celebrity player, who jetted in, in Hercules the transporters belly to meet and greet the players on the tour, give a welcome moral boost and message of support from all you hotties and sports fans back in the UK. `For the love of golf` i hear you say - Who the bloody hell was it ? Well i shall leave you to think, and give a few clues as to their identity 1. He/She is a fellow jockanese, 2. likes to sing and act and finaly 3. is blessed with the Force!!!, answers on a postcard or email via our sponsor Hot Machero.

Competition Time: Its name the tour donkey time - As stated in the last update, the tour donkey needs a name as he is sick of players shouting out "oy wheres shrek" and "oh hows Dragon". So we are looking for a suitable name for our mascot - answers again on an email via our sponsors or direct if you know my email address - You could win a tour t-shirt as worn by one of our players.

Well that's about all there is for this update, the next one will be in around 2 weeks time, so till then, Be safe, Enjoy life and watch out for busses whilst crossing the street.

Jockanese_K-MBE out"

(bag pipes fade into the distance)