Chippy returns-the interview

Forget Roger Waters joining up with Pink Floyd for Live 8. Forget The Police getting back for a mega tour this summer. Forget Take that getting back together and forget the imminent Spice Girls reunion (in fact try and forget the Spice Girls all together).....this is far bigger.............for one night only (well an afternoon really) Chippy will be standing in for Diddler on rhythm guitar at The Fete on the 30th of June. here follows an interview with the great man himself this is rumoured to be featuring in next month's NME.

"Thank you for joining us for this interview what other projects have you been working on since leaving Hot Machero?"
Chippy: "Well I did a nice wardrobe for this geezer in Windsor and a lovely bit of skirting over in Maidenhead. Though my favourite piece has been a radiator cover in Cippenham lovely it was, ornate corners and......

"No I mean't musically"
Chippy: well I have been practicing the Hot Machero songs as best I can without welling up especially Sing.

"So how do you feel about filling Diddler's boots?"
Chippy: Well I tend to only fill wood but if he has a hole I'll fill it....oh you mean musically again !!!! well I have only heard him from outside the hall they rehearse in........he's ok for a scouser I suppose.

"So you have been hanging around outside their rehearsal hall without them knowing? why?"
Chippy:I just couldn't let go I couldn't face the rejection. So when I got the call I jumped at playing in my old band again.

"So what happens after this gig?"
Chippy: Well I'm going to embark on a solo career just me and my Yammy guitar (and a few drills and sanders)

"Well we wish you all the best....................muppet!"
Chippy: Thank you.............


The PTA have already received sack fulls of enquiries regarding the great man. He may be not as good as the Diddler but he is a legend in his own bathroom is our Chippy.

The music bug has bitten the Dark Marge....he is looking to buy a left handed Mandolin. As he runs around the country side of a summer re enacting famous battles from ancient British history I can just see El Marge Le Dark with a jester's outfit complete with curled up boots brandishing his mandolin prancing around a campfire singing about brave Sir Robin!!!!!.............on his own. (I've heard him sing!) In fact it would be more like the bard in Asterix the Gaul whose apt name was Cacofonix.

Simon from Diddly Skwat has confirmed that most of the band will be there on the 9th which will be cool. He has also agreed to write a song for Hot Machero in the future....should be interesting......and no I will not be doing any Irish dancing ......you can all bog off!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dorset Adventure and the Eureka moment

I often set my life to film music........before you get worried that I've finally flipped (you knew this anyway) I'll explain. If I'm driving down the motorway in a rush to get to work overtaking cars (all within the speed limit of course ahem!) That moment in time if I were in a movie the backing track would be ....something heavy rock! walking with wifey on a moonlit night by the sea just the two of us......a ballad. You get my gist? Together with the Mini Macheros and best friend M (aka fraggle.....but she doesn't like that .....fraggle it is then!) Wifey and I embarked on another amazing adventure in Eddy our 1973 VW camper........ the sun was out everyone was cheerful......we were going camping in Dorset without a care in the world (cue Summer Holiday by Sir Cliff). the debacle that was last Monday's rehearsal was long in the past .....we were in Camper van mode!
By 9pm our campsite was set up. Eddy's roof was up the awning erected kettle on. The night was ended off with my special Chilli con carne and Fraggle's concoction red wine and coke.......The camp site fell silent apart from the odd snore here or there. Eddy rested under the twinkling stars his body work glistening in the moonlight the awning moving ever so slightly in the sea breeze. The smoke from used Barbecues still wisping up into the night sky prodding the stars as if to feel they were real (tinkly little tune on a piano )
The next day we embarked on a two mile hike over hills into West bay and met The Dark Marge who lives down that way spent a bit of time with him and walked back to our campsite and chilled. Uncle Dark Marge came round gave the kids their Christmas presents.....yes I did say Christmas presents!!!
the evening was again rounded off with Red wine and Coke. Fraggle retired to her tent and Wifey and I fell into a wine and coke induced sleep............
The next day we awoke to rain ,dark clouds and hurricane like winds!!!!!!(Holst-the planets mars the God of war) the day was miserable we jumped into Eddy and Wifey took us on the most scary of coastal journeys Eddy was being gusted sideways by the wind. We visited Wifey's brother who together with his family runs a bed and breakfast down there ...nice place ....plug plug plug just call me for details......we reached the campsite that evening and you guessed it .....evening was again rounded off with Red wine and Coke. Fraggle retired to her tent and Wifey and I fell into a wine and coke induced sleep............except......I was awaken soon after getting into bed ..The wind was rocking the camper (no honestly it was the wind!) I looked out at the awning and Doodles our dog was looking at me as if to say " bloody heck Dad bit drafty innit?" I could see that the awning was kind of ......well ......falling over.
So I jumped out of my warm bed got on some clothes ventured outside the awning to be hit with gale forced winds and rain my suspicions were correct .....I stood back looked at the situation .......and realised yep...the awning was falling down the pegs were being pulled clean out of the ground . I reinforced every thing and got out of my sodden wet clothes and went to bed an hour later I repeated this process yet I was warmer in bed colder outside and wet right through ......This went on most of the night At three in the morning you can picture the scene.........Me standing holding a guy rope the awning flying about like a sail ........rain beating against my freshly suntanned face my clothes wet through........this was a scene from a perfect storm........I was muddy, exhausted ,cold and quite pissed off I eventually got to sleep . The next morning there was a scene of devastation flattened tents and awnings everywhere ...Eddy's awning stood tall battered bruised but not out. We packed away and by noon Bridport was in our rear view mirror awning on the roof Eddy was rolling back to Berkshire.
On the A31 we saw a car flashing us from behind........."go round us if you don't like travelling at campervan case!" I nearly shouted as they indicated that we had lost our awning about 2 miles back and was on the grass verge. !!!!! We parked up and sure enough the awning was AWOL. (cue tense music)
After a little time trying to get on and off the very fast A road I retrieved the awning...a strained bungee being the culprit for it's escape. We had to get back to Berkshire it was Monday ,it was band night we had to have a good rehearsal .Then the bomb shell............SJ texted me the trains were not running properly she was stuck in Brighton!!!!!!! She wouldn't make rehearsal. With less than two weeks to our first performance the band had only been at full compliment for rehearsals once in five weeks everything was against us..(cue sad violin music ) We got home at 4 pm and we off loaded Eddy. Then I was loading speakers instruments amps etc into my car there was no time to stop ...Fraggle came in to baby-sit ...she was equally exhausted the mini machero however had a new lease of life!!!! Arriving five minutes late for rehearsals, Eric the red...(aka Diddler for his habit of diddling on his guitar between songs) .....called me and told me he couldn't make it.....I was just about to go into orbit when he told me he was only joking and would see me in a moment........(Queen -under pressure) Dom was there so we had a drummer for the first time in two sessions , we also had a sound tech....oh yes!!!! James...(look at the blog Locker room liaisons from February) He set us up brilliantly .We divided up the singing...and to our amazement the band came together there on that night ...it was a turning point a Eureka moment ....Dom was drumming his heart out filling and bashing ,Wifey even managed her "In to the deep" solo. There was a lot of energy and drive about us that had been missing. We finished the evening with me inviting everyone to the Boot pub for a drink and a chat ...embarrassingly I forgot I had no cash...Diddler bailed us out!!!
We watched the video and it was plain to see Locker room James had helped tremendously. The next day I phoned Cruella my boss at work and asked for the day off which was granted without a quibble and to round off the weekend Wifey and I went to see Travis at the Hammersmith Apollo. Travis were brilliant.........and we enjoyed every moment of it. They sang "Sing" one of the songs we cover.....bless they did their best .....the Hot Machero version is better........LOL!!!!!!!!!

Half way though the concert I got a text from Diddler asking for the video of the rehearsal he had obviously been telling his Linda how well it went (she was oop north this weekend)
The drive home was filled with excited conversation of what we had seen and the band and where we want to go with it. My mind drifted off to the next day back to work.......
I wonder if Mr T is over the celery blog yet? The usual nice Mr T let slip that he felt that blog was a bit sexual???!?!?!?!?!?!? The mind boggles T! Can't wait for the next rehearsal and fitting SJ jn with our new arrangements

Hammers,Celery and OMD

She opened the door ....................I expected to see a granny standing there with a flour puffed pinny having made some nice cakes and kindly face waiting to greet her son and granddaughter.........to my horror mother dearest was stood there with a hammer a loft above her head grimacing like a screaming banshee!!!!!....put the hammer down...I shouted ..Step away from the hammer!!!! she explained she was knocking down carpet tacks !!!!!!!!!!?
Yesterday was Friday hurrah!!!!!!! I was having a full weekend off for the first time in three weeks. I got a couple of phone calls at work...SJ enquiring about today’s sleepover. It’s quite cute in a way going to auntie and uncles for a sleepover...........there will however not be biccies and hot chocolate and an early bedtime at this sleepover ....it will be .beer...rock....beer.....rock..beer.......bock..................reer.........rob....................ror...................brock......rrrrrr............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
The other phone call which was a more cheerful Dom excited about “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “don’t you forget about me “ As we conversed I innocently told Dom “sorry mate but Roadrunner is doing something weird with a stick of celery” Dom retorted that he didn’t think he wanted to know..........and laughed like a hyena. but she was ....she was holding a stick of celery over the bin.....and was pouring Caesar dressing onto it and letting it drip down into the bin..........what was all that about!!!?!?!?!?!? Must be a northern thing....celery dripping !!!!
OMD-Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark were really good. I actually forgot how many good songs they had. The average age of the crowd must have been about 45 and it was quite fun to see middle aged people dancing like they were in 1981. It reminded me of an Eddy Murphy sketch where he commented on how white dudes can’t dance. It was like going back in time and whilst Andy McClusky bounced around the stage like he did in his hey day, Paul Humphreys played his synthesiser with one hand throughout the gig the drummer worked overtime re creating some of those drum machine like early 80s beats. I really enjoyed it ...but I can’t help thinking I’ve moved on .....I like my music ladened with guitar and bass these days. McClusky did hold a bass and pick at the strings every so often in repetitive steady bass lines. (hand on heart...I could have played with them last night easily) OMDs success I feel has come from that clean simple sound. If you were around in the early 80s I would recommend you see them they are well worth seeing. Thought it quite funny though when a pair of knickers were thrown onto the stage and McClusky held them up and said “hmmm they used to be tiny ................these days they look like parachutes !”

"Thank you....We've been Hot Machero..goodnight"

“Hot Machero!” My boss, Cruella said ...“I’ve just googled you” Mr T and I cowered behind our desks. The office fell silent......this was not a good career move.....I frantically racked my brains as to what I had said about her in my blog! Mr T looked concerned for me.....running his thumb across his neck in a cutting motion and pointing at me kind of let me realise what he was thinking that maybe my next appraisal might not be too good. For a few moments I cursed the blog....I had panicked this much since Agent A (the PTA secret weapon) asked me for the blog address...I conveniently forgot to give it to her! I peered across the room ...I could see Cruella’s head buried into the computer screen then...............she laughed her face appeared smiling......Mr T and I breathed a sigh of relief almost as big as the one earlier in the day when we were practicing our graffiti tags on the whiteboard in the office and realised that the permanent flip chart pen I used by mistake wasn’t as permanent as I first thought.
Cruella however felt her pseudonym wasn’t original enough as she has been called Cruella before. I have tried to find another suitable name but ...”The incredible bitch boss from hell” doesn’t really roll off the tongue and would probably get me a transfer to a nice cleaning position in the gent’s bogs so Cruella it is.....
A quick round up of what the Hots are doing then.....Me well I’m writing this when I should be practicing.
Wifey is busy practicing her bits....Lola is still one to work on but getting there ....The solo in “into the deep” is faultless at home as usual .............she works really hard so that she can completely muck it up on Mondays....almost as bad as I mucked up dock of the bay I hasten to add .........Wifey you are still my hero !!!!!!!
SJ .......SJ is still in lurvvvvve........”Moose he’s so dreamy ...sigh!.......” yuck yuck yuck!!!!!!! but she is busy singing her heart out in the locker rooms at work.......wicked !
Road runner tells me that old Red has been practicing his bits and promptly ends each song with his hands a loft and shouts “ Thank you ...............thank you.......... we’ve been Hot Machero goodnight ” Danny their dog has been well impressed!!!!
On a serious note we didn’t see Dom at practice this week as at the weekend a very close friend of his passed away after a terrible accident. Understandably Dom’s priorities lay elsewhere and I know I speak for the rest of the band in offering our condolences to his friend’s family and to Dom for their loss.....
Anyway I’ve gotta go as I should be practicing.....I made a few mistakes last week at rehearsals.......Road runner (aka Eric’s Linda!) said it was because I have become coomple-soont (I think she meant complacent)
Off to see OMD tomorrow at the Hammy Apollo...........SJ and Dom weren’t even born when “Enola Gay” and “Joan of Arc” were topping the top twenty....how old does that make me feel !!!!?????

Living Cemetery

Well as you can see I’m writing this blog whilst the Eurovision is on. It’s a disgrace.........Malta got eliminated in the semi final although it was top of the opinion poll to qualify. The Eastern block countries stuck together again...(sorry Dom no offence ) So I am boycotting the soddin thing......
Wifey has a few friends over so I have been cooking and serving a few eats. I’ve sunk into the background munched on some pizza and am imparting my views on all of you in blogland.
Last night we decided (under the influence of a glass of wine or three ) to send a message to SJ’s bloke, Moose in the US of A. We asked him if his intentions with our niece SJ were honourable.....his reply was straight out of Mills and Boon....da boy is in Lurrrrrrvvvv.......................yuck yuck yuck!!! It was so cool we phoned SJ and teased her ...we could feel the glow from her face down the phone......seriously though it’s kind of cute and this morning we both felt really guilty for what we did ...........for all of about a minute and then we laughed ourselves stupid at our exploits. The pair of them took it in good humour and The Moose man will get a great Hot Machero welcome if he comes over this summer.(especially from our singer )
Well the voting has started on the Eurovision what a surprise no votes for Skootch.......so far!!!!
Every day on the School run I pass a cemetery.....it has a sign saying “A living Cemetery” ????!!!
Is that not confusing.?....I had visions of there being extremely elderly people being reluctantly taken to a cemetery and dumped there on the grass, you can imagine some sweet old grandma saying....”but I’m not ready for the Cemetery” and their relatives replying in Peter Kay style “yeah I know gran , but we need your room and the kids are frightened of your beard” ........then after enquiring with a sensible fellow parent who told me ........ “it’s a cemetery that is left to grow wild so the wild flowers spread across the field” I say it’s a great excuse by the council not to mow the grass.
The girls need a refill.............
Skootch have still got no points.......
The washing up beckons........
more during the week .....safe!

Copa Cabana

Monday night came and went......the next morning I was the first into the office and our 11 songs were ringing in my ears. Monday's rehearsals went well SJ sang the best she has sung to date and the band is coming together nicely. Wifey has included the Saxophone on two of our songs now and as old Red has taken on a lot more of the six string duties she is busy learning some more intricate guitar riffs and a mouth organ solo .......as well as holding down a full time job ... being a mum of three ....(if you include the dog) and a wifey to me.........who said super heroes are old hat.???
As usual the nice T man was the next in closely followed by the Road runner who has turned into our head groupie loyally sitting listening offering feedback lugging and generally doing groupie type things. Old Eric the Red calls her his "Linda.". as in Mc Cartney not Barker cos that would be a nightmare wouldn't it having your front room made over on a weekly basis.
Talking of nightmares my boss “Cruella De Ville” on hearing Roadrunner and I carefully dissecting the previous nights rehearsal note by note (it's far more important than work anyway!) peered over her computer........"Did you say Lola?" she said in her well-spoken manner...with this she jumped up and gave us a rendition of Barry Manilow's Copa Cabaña...(those struggling for the link....the song is about a showgirl called Lola...."Her name was Lola she was a show girl etc etc etc....") With this she floated out of the room ....informing us that she had a tape in her car with it on. She grabbed a carrot and floated outside (you see when she walks Cruella’s head doesn't go up and down....she kind of glides along the floor) Mr T ,Road runner and I watched as she glided into the car park carrot in hand busily chomping at it went to her car and rummaged around her glove compartment and came back brandishing this cassette. floated back up and inserted the tape into an old player sat mostly dormant in the corner of the room. Out it bellowed Manilow live! "you want to do this Lola" she cheerfully said ...I had visions of Ol'Red and SJ camping it up big style..........belting out a bit of Manilow. For one insane moment I actually listened to the bass line and was trying to kind of work it out . I checked myself before the thought progressed into anything more serious, any way none of us have got a big enough nose.
It is official !!!my birthday Jam party is to be held on the 9th of June 2007 at the Boot pub in Bracknell. This is where the Hot Machero make their debut! It’s looking most likely that Diddly Skwat are going to play too. This should be a good night. I can’t wait although I must say there is a degree of nerves creeping in now.
Can I count on you all on Saturday to do the right thing? Yes it’s Eurovision night...I know it is crap but the Maltese bit in me just can’t help but watch it. Malta will fall silent holding it’s breath to see if Olivia can bring the trophy home to Malta with her song Vertigo.
How SJ and I laughed the other day watching the video of UK‘s entrants. Skootch. What a pile of poo! a disgrace to be representing the UK . The song is sad but quite Eurovisiony but what with the trolley dolly outfits complete with trollies and with innuendos thrown in throughout the whole song....nope I think it will be a big fat nil point this year. As SJ says like a multi storey car park.....wrong on so many levels........Viva Malta!!!!!!!

SJ Speaks!!!!!!

*S.J Bursts through the door and shouts- “im taking over the Hot Machero Blog, go on, clear off!”*
-Cue evil Laugh- “MWHAHAHAHA, cough cough splutter... ok we’ll work on that later”
im highjacking the blog for one night only (take advantage of the free snacks on the way out, get ’em while they’re hot there lovely!) Im staying with Uncle Basey, Auntie Windy, the mini machero and Dude’s the dog... (just to clear up the nicknames, Uncle basey is because he plays the bass guitar and auntie windy because she is awesome with her wind instruments- absolutely nothing to do with their flatulence *giggles to herself*)... it’s pay back time! So anyway, back to the plot... *whispers come from the kitchen “there’s a plot?”* ... Oi, didn't I tell you to clear off?!?! Go make us another cuppa....
Anyways, just wanted to put my ore in about last week practice. Firstly a big thank you to Big Tim and Michaela for coming to listen, that was quality mates, sorry for boring you to tears! Hope you can come again soon. On first thoughts I thought it went pretty bad, except for a few songs, but on arrival last night into the Hot Machero Headquarters I was promptly sat down fed, watered and made to watch the recording of us.... Well... the first song was painful; I was like “WTF mate!” But after about 30mins it did get better, my voice warmed up, bongo dom seemed to loosen up, Auntie windy, uncle Basey and Eric the red started tapping there feet and we were actually not that bad... Mini Machero went to bed, Little angels, Actually to tell the absolute truth they were little pirates at the time. We got a glass of wine each and carried entered the Hot Machero studio (actually it’s just a really big dining area, but it may as well be called a studio with the amount of instruments in there!) Auntie windy decided to give me a few tips on breathing and pushing while singing, that was interesting, and Uncle basey thought he would attempt to play bass and harmonise with me all at the same time... thoughts on that- he’s definitely not a woman, multitasking is not his speciality *giggles to herself again* I think his hearing is going slightly in his old age too... ok maybe I should explain that comment... the tone of the evening was like a multistory car park (wrong on so many levels!) I don't know whether it was just the drink... actually I know it was nothing to do with the drink! Mind in the gutter, I tell you, Mind. In. The. Gutter! Anyways, I was actually being sensible at this point in the evening; I took Auntie windy’s advice and was going to mark down my breathing spots on my lyrics, so I asked for a pen “Why?” Came the reply from Uncle Basey “I need to mark my breaths” I answered which prompted a very strange look on Uncle baseys face, “What?!” He remarked, innocently I repeated “to mark my breaths” and continued looking for a pen, with this Uncle Basey fell to the floor and started to roll about in fits of laughter, I looked at auntie windy she looked back then we both clicked at the same time he thought I had said I want to mark my breasts!! What a numpty... anyway, the evening was extremely productive, we came up with a few great harmonies for a few songs that will help me a lot with the low notes, so WOOOO *does a little happy dance and gets a few dodgy looks from the mini machero and dude’s the dog*
Another Band practice tonight, same place same time, it’s raining VERY heavy out, but apparently according to Uncle Basey its good luck, we shall see. We have a new rhythm guitarist coming along tonight to cover Eric the red’s position on the fete day, his name is Alan from the red ferrets AKA The Ferret, should be entertaining.
*Banging comes from the kitchen and Uncle basey bursts through the door* “Right Miss S.J, that's enough! I will not take this silliness any longer, give me back that keyboard!”
*S.J Shouts* “NOOOOOOOOOOO.... NOT THE KEYBOARD, IM NOT FINISHED!”
*Uncle basey calls in reinforcements from the garden* “I cannie take her alone, captain, the power, it is too strong”
... Ok, im sorry, this is getting extremely silly, im gonna go get a cuppa coffee... Have no fear, im not surrendering easy, I will be back! MWHAHAHAHA.... *S.J sneaks off in to the darkness of the kitchen, evil laugh slowly fades*

Happy Birthday Mother Dearest

Today is Motherdearest's birthday.....another year older and just another bit senile. Today in the carpark at Hospital she was hunched over the front of my car and started to shout.... FFFFFOOOOOFFFF, FFFFOOOOOFFFF.......FFFFOOOOFFF I became concerned at this irrational behaviour and understandibly asked ...."Mother what the flying floo are you doing? " "Reading your number plate" came the reply ???!?!?! Oh of course silly me there was I thinking she was doing something abnormal. like doing the dance of joy around her front room just because she managed to get LBC radio on her new DAB radio we got her.
Wifey has decided that "sitting on the dock of the bay "would benefit from her Saxophone playing and I got an impromptu preview of over the phone whilst at work last night and it sounds good..
The Red Ferrets guitarist Alan will be standing in for Eric the Red at the Fete gig on the 30th of June. He will be shadowing our rhythm man to see how he does it and will be assisting us on the day.
Anyway just a short one today.......got chores to do.....

Dean the big red Monster and Eric's G-string

It’s red...... it’s a monster .......it’s name is Dean......My new acoustic Bass purchased from the London guitar show is a lovely cherry sunburst in colour and is so big I can’t find a gig bag for it!!!!!
The show itself was not a patch on last year at Wembley but that didn’t stop us hammering the old flexible friend into submission until we bought enough kit to put the London Philharmonic Orchestra to shame. We bought a drum machine too.....Don’t worry Dom .....you won’t be replaced by a little box.......although the box doesn’t play football ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! Seeing our five-year-old Rockstar trying out an electric blue electric guitar with an RRP of £2,400 was .....a worry. We spent a good part of 4 hours at the Excel centre and it was a good day. Although I feel like I’m married to George “Flippin” Formby. We bought mini minx a little pink Ukulele. Wifey decided that she quite liked it and strummed away for the best part of the weekend .......“When I’m cleaning windows” “,a boy from Lancashire” etc etc......you get the jist................Rock star got a great purple/blue acoustic, which he loves dearly and plays at every given opportunity. He carried it on his back all around the guitar show in a new gig bag that Wifey bought for her guitar. he looked like a space shuttle waiting to lift off. As we discussed this the inquisitive little 5-year-old’s mind told us he would like to go into space when he grows up. I pointed out to him that his uncle (Dark Magi) always said that he wanted to go into space when he was a kid......Wifey pointed out that he achieves it most the time as an adult!!!!!!!!
Well as always Monday follows the weekend and rehearsal night was upon ius again.....Dom was back with his armoured thumb! we had a substitute drummer just in case......big Tim and his wife Michaela. Roadrunner was there too so we had an audience ???!?!?!?!? We are all very self critical ...me more than most........although this is a healthy approach we do beat ourselves up a bit about how we sound....video playback actually proved we were ok! Best friend M the official Hot Machero baby sitter sits and watches the recording with us late into the Monday night and she has noted that we are getting better and better. This week I ballsed up a bit on dock of the bay!!!!! Wifey who played her guitar solos faltlessly at the guitar show whilst trying out different Guitars developed sausage fingers when the same solos came around?!?!?!?! Eric was trying out an Epiphone lent by The Red Ferrets (a covers band from Surrey) but his G string kept slipping....(on his guitar that is) Hand in my pocket was good though......We have been asked to support the Irish Folk band Diddly Skquat at a Cancer Charity Gig at the battle of Britain Club at RAF Uxbridge Middlesex on the 28th of June. They want us to do a 5-song set.....but I’ve been told by their accordion player that they get the bigger dressing room and I have to share the lady boy with John their bassist?????????!?!?!?!?!?!?
So there you go we have our first like ...on the stage everybody look at us gig......and .....I’m.....................POOING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!
Today I took Mother dearest to the outpatients and we are sat there in this waiting room which was empty apart from a man reading in the corner who raised a half smile when I chastised Mother dearest from reaching for that alcoholic gel to swig again.......and that she really shouldn’t of feigned a limp in order to get a ride on the buggy through the hospital!!!!!!!!!!!1
It went quiet and Mother dearest looked down at a little table that was sporting a few magazines documenting the breaking news of the treatment of Shilpa Shetti at the hands of those witches in last years big brother.......Mother dearest said in the loudest voice possible .....”What flippin sado reads magazines like OK! it’s so crap” my eyes darted accross the room and to the man siting in the corner.....his eyes peered from behind this week’s crisp and sharp copy of.........yes you guessed it Ok magazine.....How I prayed the floor would open and gobble me up. Instead I left the room .......looking carefully for the psychiatric ward!