It’s red...... it’s a monster .......it’s name is Dean......My new acoustic Bass purchased from the London guitar show is a lovely cherry sunburst in colour and is so big I can’t find a gig bag for it!!!!!
The show itself was not a patch on last year at Wembley but that didn’t stop us hammering the old flexible friend into submission until we bought enough kit to put the London Philharmonic Orchestra to shame. We bought a drum machine too.....Don’t worry Dom .....you won’t be replaced by a little box.......although the box doesn’t play football ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! Seeing our five-year-old Rockstar trying out an electric blue electric guitar with an RRP of £2,400 was .....a worry. We spent a good part of 4 hours at the Excel centre and it was a good day. Although I feel like I’m married to George “Flippin” Formby. We bought mini minx a little pink Ukulele. Wifey decided that she quite liked it and strummed away for the best part of the weekend .......“When I’m cleaning windows” “,a boy from Lancashire” etc etc......you get the jist................Rock star got a great purple/blue acoustic, which he loves dearly and plays at every given opportunity. He carried it on his back all around the guitar show in a new gig bag that Wifey bought for her guitar. he looked like a space shuttle waiting to lift off. As we discussed this the inquisitive little 5-year-old’s mind told us he would like to go into space when he grows up. I pointed out to him that his uncle (Dark Magi) always said that he wanted to go into space when he was a kid......Wifey pointed out that he achieves it most the time as an adult!!!!!!!!
Well as always Monday follows the weekend and rehearsal night was upon ius again.....Dom was back with his armoured thumb! we had a substitute drummer just in case......big Tim and his wife Michaela. Roadrunner was there too so we had an audience ???!?!?!?!? We are all very self critical ...me more than most........although this is a healthy approach we do beat ourselves up a bit about how we sound....video playback actually proved we were ok! Best friend M the official Hot Machero baby sitter sits and watches the recording with us late into the Monday night and she has noted that we are getting better and better. This week I ballsed up a bit on dock of the bay!!!!! Wifey who played her guitar solos faltlessly at the guitar show whilst trying out different Guitars developed sausage fingers when the same solos came around?!?!?!?! Eric was trying out an Epiphone lent by The Red Ferrets (a covers band from Surrey) but his G string kept slipping....(on his guitar that is) Hand in my pocket was good though......We have been asked to support the Irish Folk band Diddly Skquat at a Cancer Charity Gig at the battle of Britain Club at RAF Uxbridge Middlesex on the 28th of June. They want us to do a 5-song set.....but I’ve been told by their accordion player that they get the bigger dressing room and I have to share the lady boy with John their bassist?????????!?!?!?!?!?!?
So there you go we have our first like ...on the stage everybody look at us gig......and .....I’m.....................POOING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!
Today I took Mother dearest to the outpatients and we are sat there in this waiting room which was empty apart from a man reading in the corner who raised a half smile when I chastised Mother dearest from reaching for that alcoholic gel to swig again.......and that she really shouldn’t of feigned a limp in order to get a ride on the buggy through the hospital!!!!!!!!!!!1
It went quiet and Mother dearest looked down at a little table that was sporting a few magazines documenting the breaking news of the treatment of Shilpa Shetti at the hands of those witches in last years big brother.......Mother dearest said in the loudest voice possible .....”What flippin sado reads magazines like OK! it’s so crap” my eyes darted accross the room and to the man siting in the corner.....his eyes peered from behind this week’s crisp and sharp copy of.........yes you guessed it Ok magazine.....How I prayed the floor would open and gobble me up. Instead I left the room .......looking carefully for the psychiatric ward!
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