So as our next door neighbour couldn't baby sit it looked like that Wifey and I weren't going to get to go to this Folk gig at South Hill park.
I phoned Mother dearest in a last ditch attempt to see if she could cover .......an apologetic reply came back.....
"Sorry but I'm seeing Stompin Ron"
"Who the Fffffffffflip is Stonkin Ron when he's at home?" I replied
Apparently he is a roving DJ that plays at local dribbley homes. I can't imagine his playlist...it's hardly going to be prodigy followed by slipnot is it?
So it looked like we were not going to the ball after all...then 10 minutes later Mother dearest rings back and decides to blow the stonker out and babysit for us anyway....hoorah!
Today at work I was falling asleep at my computer terminal when I heard a familiar voice come into the room I turned my head and sure nuff there she was Cruella my old boss herself.....quickly extracting my ear stud wiping my dribble from my face and waking up a bit I congratulated her on her recent marriage to Big D and she proceeded to talk boss type things with “the awfully decent chap” She opened her discussion with “ so tell me what is new?”
I interjected “Boss it’s shit all shit!”
I got the “take a bollocking and shut up no one asked you anyway “ type put down so I carried on being bored with my computer . As she left the room (floating away of course) I did ask her if she was indeed reading these pages of absurdities.
She said she was and said that she was in the town centre recently and found her self to be very nervous lest she be mowed down by Mother Dearest or the Mothering Out law and their mobility scooters from hell.....I sympathised with her on this thought as she left the office . I put my stud back in “The awfully decent chap “ smiled at my rebellious stance and I settled back down to my computer again ....
But Cruella wasn’t the only blast from the past ...oh no! Remember Chippy? Well he contacted us on Facebook saying how much he liked our music and I quote
“I know you guys can’t have a lot of time to record so is that why you recorded Lazy Stones in the bath?”..........twit
We cut to Edinburgh castle and on a lonely bastion a lone tartan clad piper plays Scotland the brave as the wind playfully teases the tassles on his pipes and makes his kilt sway back and forth...this can only mean one thing.........yes an update from Jockanese K...MBE...yes I heard from our gulf war veteran ......the hero in his own porridge bowl the.........(lone piper ...butts in )
“Aye get on with it...I’m freezing me F******privates off up here ...why the F*** you building him up anyway......aye Hero my F****** A***. He came back unscathed from the middle east then plays a bit of Squash and tears his F****** Achilles tendon the wee woos...........I’m F****** off back down into the pub for a shot of F****** whisky”
Tis’ true my intrepid friend has dodged missiles in Iraq ...Spanked Taliban in Afghanistan ........but has got injured playing squash........we wish him all the best of course.
I leave you with the guff of the week......
Road Runner:"So which Half Marathan are you doing?"
Me " The Malta Half Marathan in March"
Road Runner: " Are you going to fly out there then?"
Me : "Nah I thought I'd run the Malta half Marathan in London"
I give up.....?!?!?!?!?
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