The smell of patriotism

I feel the need to clarify a statement in our last blog ......Mother dearest has complained about the man flu thing.......she wants the world to know she isn’t actually a man. Chippy complained too...he stated and I quote “I am definitely not gay I have acted like too much of a Wally in front of women to be gay” I mean what has that got to do with the price of fried rats testicles? If you wish to put yourself through the torture of going back through Hot Machero’s endless dribble (aka our blog )not once have we questioned his sexuality. His reliability, state of mind chat up lines ,yes.......... we’ve butchered poor old chippy like a strip of back bacon but hey!........... we don’t care ...chips ....what ever floats your boat .......it’s 2007!
The day is not even a few hours old and I have already had the honour of clearing up the entire contents of our dogs regurgitated dinner from the night before that had been deposited on the kitchen floor. The dog looked on asking that age-old question? “Why does it always have carrots in it?” there must be inspiration for a song in there somewhere....”My little poochy puke” maybe . Talking of Alvin Stardust (for those of you that haven’t spotted the link the poochy puke bit was a play on words from a stardust song.........the link wasn’t dog’s dinner!” I once saw the great 70s pop icon in a supermarket I was working at and no he wasn’t in a black cat suit his hair was an advert for Greasian 2000 and he didn’t point at anyone and scowl . In fact I believe he bought a prawn and mayo sandwich........
Whilst Wifey and our little rockstar were on the way out this morning following my remonstrating at the fact I hadn’t had a kiss she screwed her face up and said I smelt of dog puke and I needed to get in the shower and promptly shut the door ........nice! Now there are two things that make a Maltese cross...ahem! ..........Making a suggestion that we are chocolate covered with honeycomb centres and the other is saying we smell.....several comedians over the years have had a pop at us for poor bodily hygiene....unfairly I hasten to add !!!!! The late comedian Dave Allen suggested that Malta was a place of “Smells, bells and busty gals”...knob! Paul Hogan of Crocodile Dundee fame upset the Maltese community in Oz by describing something as “As smelly as a Maltese”.............knob! coupled with Terry Wogan taking the mick out of our Eurovision entrant....no wonder we have a siege mentality!!! I mean look what Malta has given the world..........well there’s.......a........a cross!... a Falcon......a terrier....and remember that during the second world war the British empire awarded the island with the George Cross because without Malta the war would of had a very different outcome....! anyway back to me smelling.........I had a shower....I smell nice now.........